Thank you for anyone who takes the time to respond to this. I’m post break up and I’m trying to work out what happened and if this was abusive or just commitment phobic or my fault!
3 year relationship, it was incredible for a long time, I’ve never felt such a connection, lots of calls lots of texts daily. Then I made a mistake and asked where the relationship was going (about 6 months in), I got told “I live day by day, not thinking about it”. As time went on I asked a couple more times (after a year, after 2 years). One day we were buying a house together, the next he was moving into my house, the next he was staying put. Total confusion. He used to say yes I want to be with you but I won’t promise it. He had had a bad marriage and I just thought he was hurt, but this is where it now starts to cause me questions.
his ex was the devil (according to him and all his friends and family), there was never a good word, she destroyed him, locked him in the house ect ect (apparently)
she had kicked him out when he was pregnant
he told me to stop having “difficult” conversations with him about the future. he said my constant mild nagging of it made him doubt the relationship. Is this controlling to make me stop?
then he cheated, said his head wasn’t in the right place, he was depressed and making bad decisions. Made me feel so sorry for him I forgave him, he declared his undying loved to me, promised his future was with me. Every time something bad happened or a conversation he didn’t like, it turned to me feeling sorry for him. He promised not to speak to her again.
a week later he was still talking to her “as friends” but was deleting the Messages and hiding notifications. When questioned he ended the relationship, only to change his mind 5 minutes later. Suddenly he doubted our future again said he needed space and ignored me for days and agreed only to come back when I wouldn’t pressure him.
still talking to her, lied to me about the last time he spoke to her and still was deleting messages even though I asked him not to. He wanted to end our relationships, but we agreed to try, the next day he was ignoring me and ask for 2 weeks space. I told him no and ended it.
i earn more money than him, this financial gap was a problem to him. He also said (jokingly) I could do your job, then someone give me your salary. He said open your purse strings and buy a house here.
i wanted a dog, he didn’t, he agreed if I really wanted one I could, but later told me this was a problem in our relationship.
my friends and family say I’m a shell of my former self and all confidence has gone. The constant mind changing of what he wanted.
so is this just a commitment phobe, or is there controlling and manipulation at play?
thank you, I just want to heal!