Phrases to use to reassign mental load?

[Stepbackabit]

Doctor's orders - I need to slow down.
I'm the capable, problem-solving one with DH (diagnosed ADHD) and adult kids (who have ADHD symptoms).

I love them all to bits, but need to step back from some of the demands and their high energy because I've now got health problems.

E.g DH tends to talk a lot and run his work issues past me. I suggest a solution then he goes on about minute detail weighing up the pros and con of what I've suggested. I'm happy to help, but don't need the second part, it's exhausting.
Or he'll say for example that he'll cook dinner but will then interrogate me about what I want, how to cook it etc, even if he's cooked it before. My answer to that is 'pretend I'm not here.' Again, fucking exhausting when it happens multiple times.
DC are less of an issue as they don't live at home, but sometimes I do need to tell them to sort it out themselves.

If you identify with any of this, what's your loving and polite response which actually works?

A phrase I used with pupils' inane questions (basically when they couldn't be bothered to think for themselves); "Sorry, I didn't do A-Level Telepathy" but this may not always be apposite.
You could try "You already asked that question"
"Do what you think best, dear"
"Am I allowed three guesses?"

I tell my kids regularly that I need ten minutes to self regulate. Or that I want to listen properly to what you are saying and I can’t right now as I’m overwhelmed / trying to do x etc. can you give me five minutes.

DP I just ask him to make the decision so I don’t have to.

This!

The thinking is the mental load. The actual cooking of the meal, not so much.

Or the remembering to wash school uniform/pe kit/scout shirt etc for the right days. And that if you want to close where you go on holiday in August, then you have to book it well in advance, and that if you want to see a specific teacher at parents meeting to book in advance, and that DD's best friend is coeliac if you invite her for a meal, and that various things need to be paid by various times...

On the cooking bit I did crack once and come out with "Which bit of you thinks that only people with vaginas can read recipe books?"

"Feel free to do xyz" is a favorite phrase when I need someone else to take a task on especially when they suggest it needs doing but aren't coming up with an offer to do it themselves.

I think last time I said ingredients are there, if you can't cope ring dominoes. Organise time off. Book Spa day, join gym, plan day out.