DH is early 50s. When I married him many years ago, he was humble and so kind, almost too kind. We both come from problematic households: DV in mine despite parents having unfounded amounts of intellectual snobbery. DH has a wonderful mother but he and the siblings were brought up semi feral as she had to work double shifts. Her husband was absent and started multiple families and never knew his son - DH.
Two DC and two decades later, DH is becoming increasingly intolerant about most things but especially the state of the (messy) house. He has a blitz in the morning but is very angry about it always. I am not perfect: I’m very untidy. I need to declutter but don’t have the energy. I can clean for half an hour and it looks no better. Suspected ADHD but that’s for another thread. But I do all the planning, keeping on top of school news, most of the weekday cooking. I work fulltime. My contract is about to come to an end but I’m on near six figures. DH is on double my salary. All finances are shared. Not financially abusive though does raise an eyebrow when credit card is over a grand most months (most food shopping done on it).
I have put on a lot of weight in the last decade. Am now a size 20 and unhappy about it. I’ve tried fasting, low carb, low calorie and Ozempic. Nothing has shifted more than a few pounds - even when I ate practically nothing. He is full of disdain about my weight.
I feel exhausted which is infuriating him further. I assumed I was perimenopausal but had private tests done (so not fobbed off by an NHS GP in case anyone asks) and they said it pointed to thyroid disfunction so am not bracing myself for further tests. DH has zero empathy and thinks I’m useless.
He is short tempered around the DC. I am beginning to resent him - and sadly also the DC who also have no respect for the house. One stays up super late and DH will lie in bed on his phone rather than putting her to bed even when he’s been home longer. It takes whatever energy I have to do bedtime. It is then somehow my fault that the child won’t rise in the mornings. (Both are tweens now).
What I need to work out is, was he always a wanker but just hid it - in the same way that I was a fat woman hidden in a slightly chubby younger woman’s body? Or has he changed due to life grinding him down? Is it unresolved daddy issues? Or is it down to what I suspect is increasingly right wing crap that he’s watching on YouTube? He WAS a left- leaning empathetic person for years but the last 2 years I notice he raises net migration, BLM, the eradication of cash, D&I etc.
Urgh it’s so unattractive. My poor DC witnessing this and possible separation.