All we do is fight

[yvonneb13]

Me and my parter have been
Together for a long time but recently all we've done is fight over everything and anything I have a 1 year old and I am
A stay at home mum we're just fighting over stupid things like house work washing and just bickering and I don't know what to do it's the same circle all the time starts off as a really stupid argument then turns more nasty we fall out then we say sorry fine for a couple days tell each other need to bickering and then it repeats all over again. Like
Tonight it's happened again and we've went with me crying and not talking to each other it's starting to get me down I love him I don't want to break up

Anyone?

Just here for the handhold OP.

Wonder if it’s the season you are in? Having a one year old is tough. My DS is nearly 4 now and I was dangerously close to divorce for the first three years of his life. We were knackered, snappy and taking each other for granted, but had no way to break the spiral.

Can you find a way to talk about it when emotions are a bit more stable? We had a rule where we had to do one kind thing for the other person every day. It didn’t stop the bickering and snapping but it did make it feel a lot less damaging and overwhelming

You could be right we never fought this much before having or son it's just draining I'm hoping we can talk today it's just making me feel sad as it's the same fights over and over.

@yvonneb13 agree could be as pp mentioned the tiredness associated with having a baby as the first few years can be so tough. However something to flag is that some men change when a woman becomes dependent on them as the power shifts.

How long have you been together? Are you married or do you have financial independence?

What's the pattern of arguments?

The first year of having a baby is what does it. I didn't realise at the time but now I'm out the other side I see that we were both shattered, both trying to find our feet with a new child, both not communicating correctly even though we talked everything through and just generally had a a shit relationship for a year or so but it does get easier it really does

The first year of having a baby is incredibly hard, the number of break ups in the first two years of having a child is incredibly hard

Try to have a conversation about what's going on and why it's hard and why you are arguing and see if you can pull together to get through it

There is this scene on sex and the city where she turns to her BF and says - when did you stop being on my side?
It always makes me think - if he is not on your side then he's against you. Having a baby is so hard and my husband and

I really had a bad relationship in the early baby days. Sit down with him and talk honestly without blame.

We didn't have any issues after our first DD, but when DD2 was a baby our relationship was terrible. It's common. It's such a stressful and difficult time of life. I once heard some advice along the lines of "don't make any big decisions about your relationship while you have very young children... stay the course because it will get better" (barring abuse etc of course) and I think it's true. Communication is your friend here.

What would you scream in his face when you are at your most wound up? Can you get it into a sentence? (My big realisation, for example, using this technique, was 'YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!!!')

SOmetimes we get caught up in the minutiae, but the little things are just the vent to allow the big issues to let off steam. Nothing really gets resolved, but they alleviate the pressure to 'acceptable' level, and then you move on. But 'acceptable' is only just below the level of 'unacceptable', and nothing has been solved, so pressure builds again really quickly, and then another 'release' is necessary. Does that sound like it might be close to what's happening?

Thanks for all your replies he had to leave early for work so haven't spoke to him at all so hopefully talk when he comes home it's just incredibly stressful

Use the time to look at yourself. He's not the only one who counts, here.

After passing the newborn stage and starting to bicker and argue for the first time in our relationship, my husband and I jokingly said we wouldn't get a divorce until our kids are all over 6 years of age.
This was to ensure that the things we were feeling weren't blown out of proportion by lack of sleep, lack of time as a couple, adapting to new parenthood, etc.
I'm glad we made that deal, because bringing up young children can be so draining for a couple. Especially at 1 year old!
I don't know what your relationship was like before, but if your foundation was strong, don't get too discouraged. Things will likely get better!

I don't think this is unusual op. There's hope.

When DC were small we had a conversation about always remembering that we were on the same team and communicating with each other where we were at.

If I was having a bad day, I would say to DH 'I'm running at 20%' he would then say 'I can pick up the 80%' or he might say 'I'm only running at 30% myself' then we'd look at what was essential use of that 30%

Sometimes just being alive and fed was all we could manage.

It does get better 🤗

We'll see what he's saying when he comes back from work I've just felt really anxious all day as I hate being
On bad terms and he doesn't normally leave in the morning without saying
Bye so I'm not sure nice
To see it's kind off normal tho.