I know I probably shouldn't be considering this but...

[whatsagirltodoo]

I've been with my partner for over 10 years but the past year or so our relationship has completely broken down. We've tried marriage counselling - it didn't help at all, in fact, I think it just made us more hostile towards each other.

Admittedly, I've been considering divorce for a while - life if short, we don't make each other happy anymore, and it's not good for either of us.

But, divorce is such an expensive process and I just wouldn't be able to afford it in the current climate. So, I've been looking at cheaper options that could bring a bit more happiness to my life... and though I hate to admit it, and I never thought I'd get to this point... I'm seriously considering affair sites, and potentially recommending it to my husband too so we can both try to find whatever's missing in our own relationship without having to go through the divorce route right now - at least not while the cost of living crisis is still hitting us hard...

It’s not an affair if you are both honest and upfront and maintain agreed boundaries.

If you lie, break boundaries etc (which isn’t uncommon when one of you gets feelings) then the expensive divorce will become acrimonious and more expensive.

Have you tried Gottmans books and a Gottman counsellor? It focuses on why you got together and what you initially loved/liked about each other. It is not sitting in a room for an hour telling each your spouse why you don’t like them and then sending you back home to stew for a week. The books are cheap second hand and may be worth a shot. Put your all in for 3 months and see if it helps?

I read a couple of his books annually and I can spot a horseman with ease. Makes it easier to call it out too (you can even make it slightly comical thus lightening a disagreement). This may even turn it into a bid (positive).

What you mean is you're going to suggest an open relationship, and why not? I think you have to discuss and prepare for all possible eventualities though, if he agrees.

I suppose I'm just worried about bringing something like this up with him. Communication's completely broken down in our relationship...

Divorce doesn't have to cost a lot! Depends on how reasonable you both are!
My friends divorce cost a couple of hundred pounds, that I think was the court fee. They did the rest themselves.

It doesnt have to be expensive to divorce

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation/diy-do-it-yourself-divorce-or-dissolution

Divorce or end a civil partnership £593

https://www.gov.uk/court-fees-what-they-are

Surely you can afford £593 to divorce??

Op - when you say you can’t afford divorce, is that about your lifestyle adjustment - getting a new place, etc?
Do you have kids?

What is the main issue in your relationship that creeped up last year? Sex? Money? Smth else?
Your relationship dod work for the previous 9 years - so something must have changed for it to all go down so quickly….

As to married dating sites - other than occasional sex you won’t really be getting much else out of it. If sexual compatibility is the main issue - than that would help. Otherwise - not sure.

If your relationship comms have broken down, I don't see this working well.

A better option is agreeing to split, If you feel that a divorce would be too expensive - or living separately would be too expensive - then discuss and negotiate the options for being split that would be the least financially detrimental. THEN, if you want to consider how to start a new relationship, go ahead.

Just get divorced. Presumably you both are financially independent. Life is far too damn short to be wasting it on a non-functioning relationship, be it work, friend or partner

Do you mean running your own hose would be too expensive? I don't think having open relationships for financial reasons is going to work. People find it hard enough to live in a house share without this extra complication.