If your SIL sends you this Tiktok about your fiancé (and says its a joke)

[sarahkelly932]

I have had a few occasions of my fiances SIL getting involved in our relationship. Things such as she has asked me why I do not post him on social media and said she thinks its strange; and just being generally interfering; I also checked my fiancés phone (one time, for good reason) and she was talking negatively about me, things such as “you will be free soon LOL” when I am about to leave for work after we had an argument, and him generally confiding in her when we had a huge argument one time recently.

Rather than give advice she was just agreeing with his view and being generally unhelpful. The confusing thing is she has asked me to be a bridesmaid…and is nice to my face. When I text her after I found the texts I pretty much told her to stay out of our relationship (I have had to tell her this twice already). Today she sends me a “joke” TikTok - Make Your Day saying "hahaha this is me and my sister we are crazy". I just don’t think this is funny and getting to the end of my tether. Fiance has said he has told her to stop talking about me, obviously she doesn’t pay attention to anything he says. He gets angry and defensive when I talk to him about it and says all women stress him out and he doesn’t want to be involved?

Should I just ignore it? I am 6 years older than her and its getting frustrating...

@FictionalCharacter well he says he said to her previously that they shouldn't of been talking about me in those texts... and apparently has told her once before she doesn't need to get involved.

He gets angry and defensive when I talk to him about it and says all women stress him out and he doesn’t want to be involved?

All women stress him out?

Why do you want to marry a sexist?

Your fiancée’s spineless. He’s not acknowledging that he blabs to her when things aren’t totally rosy with you two - AND doesn’t see that this is disrespectful to you. HE is involving her and is demanding that you don’t involve him.

How do you respond to her questions? Presumably you have your own preferences around what you post - again, don't rise - say that's not how you use SM, prefer to be more private about some things.
She sounds rather bossy and controlling and I think you do need to take a long view about how the dynamic of this family works. I'd be more concerned that she's going to cause drama and your DP is going to leave you both to it.

Is this odd?

I think everyone is reasonable and unreasonable here.

SIL was sending stuff like “you’ll be free of her lol” because that’s the tone that your fiancé has set. He tells her everything and accepts her advice as an equal so it’s not weird that she has the confidence to approach you. Sending house links isn’t weird at all. Lots of people enjoy looking on RightMove even if they aren’t the ones buying.

You are not unreasonable to be annoyed by SIL comments like “you’ll soon be free of her lol” but this is clouding your judgement on normal stuff like her sending house links. She knows that you’re looking at houses (and maybe what your budget is) because you or your fiancé have told her. That’s not SIL fault.

Your fiancé is unreasonable for comments like “women stress me out” SIL is full on (ie stressful) because he tells her lots of info that fuels her fire eg bitching about you. If he wants a calmer relationship with her then he wouldn’t tell her stuff that gets her so “excited”

I think the problem is that your fiancé’s family have a very different vibe to yours. The others in their family are happy to have a family that centres on SIL where as in your family the dynamics are probably very different. If everybody in their family are happy with that then it’s not “wrong” to live like that and you’ll need to decide if you can accept living like that because it sounds like your fiancé is close to his sister so there’s lots of interaction. If the dynamic is dysfunctional then your fiancé isn’t unreasonable to not know that but there’s not enough info here to judge. While sister “knowing her place” would make you happier, it sounds like their family don’t think like that and don’t see age as a reason for her not to speak up.

If your fiancé won’t intervene now when his sister is being an arsehole then he never will. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of bitchiness and interference from her.

A previous poster said she thought it normal to send Right Move links to someone who is looking to buy a house. It generally isn’t. People who are looking to buy use those websites themselves and know exactly what they are looking for.

She is just way too invested in her brother’s life and doesn’t seem to have the wit to realise that his relationship with you and the decisions you make are entirely separate to her - she is not involved.

Why you are still considering marrying the spineless, sexist dolt is beyond me.

A man who doesn't have your back and is intent to make sexist comments isn't worth hanging onto.

Don't marry a piece of spineless jelly. Men like that are just lumps.

There’s a gross phenomenon with some sisters being really weird with their brothers’ partners. Overly involved and almost threatened? Or jealous? Really fucking weird, anyway. Wonder what Freud would make of it.

@Starspangledrodeopony LOL!! Word!

You need to put in place some boundaries now with your future SIL about what you will and won't accept. Trust me on that one. I found out the hard way. I've now gone no contact after a number of disparaging remarks made to me. I refuse to let her mental health let her off the hook and to be used as a green light to be able to say what she wants with no repercussions.

Before you commit yourself any further have a really really good hard look at this relationship. Things do not bode well for the future.

I can't understand a word of that tiktok. What's she saying?

If my fiancé's family member sent me a video message that involved calling the viewer a bitch, I'd let him know. If he didn't immediately start an argument with that family member as a result then all engagement would be cut off.

Not ok. You don't have to respond to it, your fiancé does.

Not ok for your fiancé to do nothing about it. If that is his response, time to find a new fiancé.

Again, you don't need to respond to this at all, your fiancé does. If he doesn't ask her to stop then you have a problem.

I have a horrible SIL who has behaved very similar (still does).

Ignore her as much as possible. If you stop giving a clown attention, it will stop dancing.

I don’t even know what that Tic Toc means??

@rainingcatsandogs I tried to set a boundary by clearly telling her to stay out of my relationship. Apparently my partner has also told her. Do you have some examples of setting clear boundaries please. Good for you that you got it sorted. Did your husband take your side.

@rainingcatsandogs I tried to set a boundary by clearly telling her to stay out of my relationship. Apparently my partner has also told her. Do you have some examples of setting clear boundaries please. Good for you that you got it sorted. Did your husband take your side.

UPDATE ——
fiancé text her and said he doesn’t want to have to tell her again
she said sounds good
and has now blocked me on TikTok
feel like I caused an issue and maybe should of just not said anything and over reacted. Sign. Any advice? @FictionalCharacter @Quizine @Jk8 @Beamur

What more can you do ? Shes undermining you to the point of causing problems & if she doesn't stop those problems will be between them aswell even if you do walk away.

If you love your partner & trust him to stick it out with you then stay firm about respecting your self & if hes not 100% on board then you'll have to leave him anyway as if its not her it'll end up being someone else