I want to clarify I feel no jealousy of my ex, here who after 4 years has found someone quite serious. But after being told last week I feel a huge mix of emotions. I of course fear about how this will impact my daughter. But I also have this slightly shameful lingering feeling that I'm simply unlovable. I've been single the whole 4 years we've been apart. Arguably I've not sought it out, but neither has anything remotely like a romantic connection come my way.
I adored my ex. We were together for a long time and I really did look up to him and really love him very deeply. He was emotionally and verbally abusive and at times towards the end I believed he actually hated me.
I'm I'm my mid 30s, and not only did I have to accept the love I had in my life for many years was not what it seemed, but that also I may never actually experience anything that is real. Am I a complete sap? On the whole I enjoy my life. I love my relationship with my daughter. Have a very full social life. It doesn't very often occur to me. But the fact that this man who was so cruel to me can find somebody else, and yet I cannot makes me feel utterly unlovable and pathetic. I just don't see that I will ever find this live and companionship others seem to find.