I’m just looking for advice as I don’t know what to do or how to help my DH. I don’t want to talk to friends and family about this as I’m embarrassed the catalyst of this argument was due to having to make a UC claim for the first time. We have two LO’s (newborn and reception age).
My DH is constantly stressed and looses his temper very easily, either shouting at myself or our LO. He blames his job for this stress. He works 37.5 hours a week. For example, I made myself a cup of tea during a night feed (we also have a newborn) and left my mug and a glass in the window and he blew up. Throwing/ kicking LO’s toys if they’re in the way. Angry at me for doing an online grocery shop and ordering food he believed we didn’t need. Not supporting breastfeeding after c section because newborn “cried too much”, had shallow latch.
I know the job market is very competitive and it’s not easy to get a well paid job. My issue is that he is constantly stressed with his low paid job. I am not saying his job cannot be stressful but that the level of stress he exhibits isn’t reflective of the job role/pay level .He is more than capable of climbing the ladder, he has said this himself on multiple occasion, but rather that he doesn’t want to because of stress but he is constantly stressed now! Says he is more than capable of doing our friends and family’s well paid jobs. My frustration is that he knows he is more than capable of getting a better paid job, I know he is capable but he refuses to as he “doesn’t want a stressful career”. I understand that he is not career minded but if his job is causing him to be so miserable and stressed then surely it is time to look at another position.
I’m also frustrated that I’m not currently in a position to get myself a better paid job as I’m currently on maternity leave (with compulsory 3 month return). DH is not keen on our newborn being put in nursery due to his own bad experience .Our previous working arrangement was that he worked full-time and I had LO at home with me in the day as to avoid nursery fees and I worked evening and weekend shifts. I have suggested that I would go full-time and be happy to do so to boost our income, he doesn’t agree with this until newborn is in reception. He is the breadwinner.
If I was in my DH’s position I would be trying my best to better my wage and manage stress levels for a better family dynamic. I grew up in poverty, think breadline. My money worries stem from childhood as my parents made us privy to their dire financial situation very early on. Therefore, I’ve always been ambitious and motivated to want better . DH did not grow up in poverty, so I don’t think he understands my mentality. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m grateful for DH providing and being the breadwinner. I’m not bashing my DH. I want advice on how to have a respectful, non- critical conversation about moving forward.
AIBU to want him to also want more for us and our family too ?