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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My sisters told me two awful details about DM

9 replies

lolaflores · 04/03/2024 19:18

Yesterday I caught up with my sisters. Our family isn't very close, for reasons that will become clear. We tell each other things but we don't hang out enough to have the time.
Anyways, over an hour or so if just the 3 of us together, both Divulged the following;
DM strangled DS2, in a fit of rage becUse I'd gone out and not been home in time. She left bruises and drew blood. We were all in our twenties at this stage

Rang DS 3 at university some 200 mules away to say she was about to kill herself and wld do it in the house so no one would be able to stop her.

My DM has been an abusive and unstable parent all our lives. Our DF died when we were young and either she was a bit wobbly before and it tipped her over or she just was and that was her reasoning.

I've had my fill if her shit down the years but hadn't heard the extremes she'd gone to with DSs. Imagine being so I feel ashamed and guilty that I didn't know. That to think she attacked her ow child because she was having a temper tantrum? . She's in her 80s now and getting worse.
I have a chronic condition and walk with a stick. When she saw me yesterday she laughed and said "here's the disabled lady"

I fucking hate her so much I can't find words. It makes me feel sick. Utterly sick. My contact wit h her has decreased over time but shes been revealed as a complete monster.
I have a therapist and will talk it through with her but to out it in words makes it real because I can't say what I really feel right now.

OP posts:
ButtonMoon5 · 04/03/2024 20:45

I am so so sorry to hear that you all had to put up with such violent and abusive behaviour! She sounds truly awful. I'm just wondering why are you still in contact with her? You all need to heal and her presence must make that so difficult.

Hopefully you and your sisters can be there for each other. It may take a long time to process all of it but it is great you are going to therapy to try to deal with surviving such a horrible woman.

Mnk711 · 04/03/2024 21:02

Go no contact.

Willmafrockfit · 04/03/2024 21:04

please dont see her
what good does it do?

lolaflores · 04/03/2024 21:09

Its like taking the final step of leaving an abusive relationship. Which I've done. Weirdly following a strangling episode.
I cannot find any grounds to give any leeway. Before Inhave. In the way that you twist your head into pieces so the truth isn't as real.

I've been sliding her out down the years and bigger step back will be pretty much it

We have been ruptured by her as a family unit. All the bonds between us are u certain so if we can build that back the there is hope.

OP posts:
Mischance · 04/03/2024 21:11

My Mum was a bit unstable - basically it was Jekyll and Hyde depending on where she was in her menstrual cycle. But she was basically a decent person. However she was not easy to live with.

I left home and went to uni a year earlier than is normal and heaved a bit of a sigh of relief. I have a much younger sister and now feel ashamed that I did not give her well-being a passing though - I just wanted out. She has since told me some of the things that happened to her and I am left with the guilt of not knowing and not helping her.

I just wanted to pass this on as I can identify with that part of your post - if it helps at all, my sister and I now have a very close relationship and she does not hold it against me at all.

I am sorry that you have these problems to contend with and hope that your counsellor will be able to help you.

caringcarer · 04/03/2024 21:26

Take control and refuse to see her at all. You'll feel better if you make the decision to cut her out your life.

lolaflores · 04/03/2024 21:36

Mischance yep. That sums alot of it up. I hit the road as quick as O could to get away from her and never thought she'd be going to these extremes.

OP posts:
anxioussister · 04/03/2024 23:13

Sending you very much love, and grit, as you work your way forward

Sounds like your sisters are allies in you distancing yourself from her. I hope that proves to be the case.

Whatever your process is, I hope you find some peace from her. None of what you describe is ever ok.

lolaflores · 05/03/2024 08:28

Thank you all for your responses. It's helped a lot to take the edge off the shock I suppose. I'm struggling to get my head round how long they have carried it with them. The suffering mentally. And we never talked to each other to help one another.

We can only make the future better.

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