Help moving someone out of abusive household

[Autumnintowinter]

Hi all- was wondering if anyone could advise please.

My friend is leaving her physically and emotionally abusive partner and has asked us to help.

She has somewhere to go to and we have sorted everything she needs - she wants to take some big stuff from hers so we need to hire a truck and move very heavy items.

The question is how does she actually move out. We suggested getting the animals and whatever essentials she needs and getting to safety first. We can then try and arrange to go back for any big stuff once things have settled or look at whether can get a police escort if things become difficult. Not sure if this is possible.

Her plan is to get us all together at the house and move everything. This would be when he finds out she is going. The issue is he is violent and erratic and I think having lots of people in his house when he hears the news will make the situation worse. I would be very worried about what he would do.

Does anyone have any advice on how to move safely?

Thank you

If someone is violent and erratic you take all the bits you need (passports, certificates, photos, mementos and whatever clothes you can manage etc) and leave stuff that can be replaced.

Hiring a moving van and taking white goods or sofas (for example) when someone is likely to kick off sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I would say she should start moving the essentials out like passports, documents and sentimental items like photographs out before she even plans to leave. She could leave these with you for example. Also a small bag of clothes and toiletries.

As for the day she is actually leaving, I would think it is best to do so when he is not there. For example, when he is at work. She could take a day off work to do this. The most dangerous time for someone in an abusive relationship is when trying to leave.

The big stuff can wait. But I would advise her to take photos of everything that is hers and to take any receipts. He may damage her property out of spite and anger.

Good luck to her and thank goodness she has a good friends like you.

Thanks for your responses.

He never leaves the house and doesn’t work so we have been trying for ages to get her out but there’s never a time he is out without her:

I’ll speak to her again and encourage her to just get to safety and we will think about the next step after. The things hold sentimental value so she is struggling to see beyond that: Good idea about the pictures.
Thank all

I'm struggling what large, heavy, 'needing several adults and a van to move' items have such sentimental value that would be worth incurring the wrath of an angry violent man.

Most things can be replaced. New memories made, without the hangover of abuse and violence. She needs to take what she needs and let stuff go.

(I left with 2dc and a car full of stuff, have replaced everything in 10 years. It's fucking hard but better than the alternative)

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-want-to-leave-my-relationship-safely/