If You're a Mum tell your Partner now what you want for Mothersday

[TellYourPartnerWhatYouWant]

Just that really. Just a little reminder to tell your partner what you would like on Mothers day.

I know for many that will be something simple like hand made cards from your young kids. So tell your partner that because likely that's not what he would want and so it's not in his mind right now.

Why? My husband has a working brain and has always been able to figure this stuff out himself.

No need op, my dh will organise a wonderful Mother's Day for me. I don't need to give him any instruction or hints. The sexism on this thread is unreal!

Wtf. Or they could just use their heads and stop piling on the mental load

Can’t wait for all the threads on the day whining about how their husband didn’t get them what they wanted. DH sorts a meal out and asks me if I want anything specific. He then takes the kids shopping and lets them pick random bit and crap they think I might apparently went but really don’t…which I find quite endearing.

But it’s not usually that - it’s that either he hasn’t done anything or he’s gotten something inappropriate that shows he gave it no thought and/or doesn’t actually know her. Things like buying a box of peanut sweets when she’s got a peanut allergy or whatever.

Women aren’t being dreadful princesses for expecting their husband or partner to be able to remember it’s Mother’s Day and pick something that’s actually suitable.

There’s no point in even trying to respond to something so seeped in the tradwife tone.

It’s all your fault for failing to communicate in a way that he can hear and feel good about you know.

So I need to tell a person who is not my mother what I specifically want for mothers day?

I just buy what I want being a grown up, what my child wants to do is what i want and when they were to young I decided what we did that day, and my husband for fathers day

We do not do anything for each other, that is for our relevant parents themselves

Surely specifying what you want completely defeats the purpose? The whole idea is that the child (assisted by their father if very young) has to think about what would make Mum happy, not just follow an instruction!

Also, what sort of awful grabby mother complains about a MD present or gesture not being exactly what she wanted?!

Clearly this thread was trying to be helpful and prevent all the misery from mums who will feel forgotten on Sunday.

Communicate and/or organise things for your dc yourself.

Of course. Why expect men to do anything at all?

But if they needed a reminder, that means you were forgotten anyway so you should feel equally bad.

And if your reminder is to ensure that you get the exact present you wanted, that is grabby and controlling.

Of course. Why expect men to do anything at all?

So many men don't and so many women keep quiet then get upset. I'm sure the op was trying to be helpful for those who have partners who are shit or don't realise it matters to their partner so don't bother helping their dc to do anything nice for mum.
Come back on Sunday and see how hurt some mums will be on Sunday. There'll be plenty of threads about feeling like no one cares about them.

Some people couldn't care less one way or another so this isn't relevant to them.

You do realise you are holding those women responsible for their partner’s failings?

Telling women to remind men is not the solution to the problem here. It actually makes the problem worse.

Nope never told him what I want or reminded him . He is a grown man and well capable of remembering it and sorting out what needs to be done himself . I don't ever expect or want much just a token small bunch of flowers and a card to show appreciation is perfect

And if your reminder is to ensure that you get the exact present you wanted, that is grabby and controlling.

It's probably not about that. It's about 'help the dcs to make a card and breakfast' or 'help buy a bunch of daffodils or some choc so they can take part in mothers day'

This is likely to be about the families with young children that need some help to celebrate Mother's Day and the dad can't be arsed.

But you don’t deal with a lazy arse husband by doing his thinking for him.

One would hope that after the first year of motherhood, the expectations for the day would be known, remembered and acted upon (until the DC are old enough to take it on themselves)

First time around, you probably do need to have a chat about it, as family traditions vary (you could cover expectations for Fathers Day at the same time for the same reason)

But if either of you is hopeless at remembering Stuff, that probably comes up more often than annually for Mothering Sunday. So needs fixing (or at least improving) in the round. Possibly by the competent one sitting the incompetent one down and telling them to stay until they have set repeating reminders in their phone calendars for all the things they need to remember.

The bar is so so low 🫣

Oh, ffs. Why do women persist in enabling shit men?

PSA. Not All Men Are Shit.

If your DH is likely to forget if you don't tell him, then you are likely to feel just as sad afterwards anyway even if you do remind him.

@AndiOliversGlasses but isn't it about the dcs? Most men should be able to do this and want to this with their children, but we all know how awful or rubbish some men are.
Those men probably need someone to tell them what the expectations are in their relationship. Could be worth a try for some, might be useless for others.

Anyway, I just thought the op was trying to be helpful and didn't deserve all the annoyed posts. Hope you all have a lovely Mother's Day, however you wish to spend it.

If a dc is too small to know about MD themselves they won’t know that they have not been assisted to celebrate it.

The best way to get them to do it is to divorce them and get it put in the parenting agreement

Op I get what you’re saying- on Mother’s Day there’ll be posts from people who are properly upset that their dh didn’t organise for their child to get them something meaningful. Yanbu, some people do need to remind their dh of this (talk about how they can’t wait for card/ breakfast in bed etc)

Different people place different levels of importance on these things. My H grew up in a family/with a mum that didn't give a toss about Mother's Day. I grew up in a family where my mum did and it was something we made a fuss for.

It wasn't something that was ever obvious until after we had kids and he didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. I found this hurtful because it was not what I expected.

Point being, if you come from a family like my H, it may not occur to you to do anything. Because that was his normal. Not because he is crap or a bad husband, or my bar is low etc. He just didn't know any different. He does now.