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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Escaping toxic relationship with no money

6 replies

Mimimurphy · 04/03/2024 10:37

Hello. I live with my partner and DS5 and dd8. We live in a big lovely family home which the children love. However the relationship is very toxic and pretty much always has been. He's a very volatile person and often rages around the house for very small unreasonable reasons. Hes very verablly abusive but has only got physical a couple of times by throwing things at me and tripping me over intentionally once. I currently dont have a job or any money of my own. He will let me use his credit card for household/family related purchases and will buy things for me if I ask for them. For example, he recently bought me a pair of shoes and because I asked for them. But he does get very angry about money and often shouts at me for overspending at the supermarket etc.

Ive never wanted to seperate because i wanted the kids to have a proper family because i didnt and i feel its very damaging for kids not to have a proper family. But i guess this is much worse now. I dont have anywhere i can take the kids and I dont have any money . But staying here is becoming intolerable and he will make it horrible for me and the kids if we seperate but live under the same roof until the house is sold. Im just so scared to put the kids through that.

I guess im looking for ideas or advice on what to do

OP posts:
SecretBanta · 04/03/2024 11:58

Contact the financial abuse team of your bank to arrange a large overdraft or loan, then use this to pay the deposit and rent on a new house/flat and to support yourself and your child whilst claiming Universal Credit.
Self refer to your local women's group for d/violence support

Ragruggers · 04/03/2024 12:03

You are not married so won’t receive anything from the house sale.Why don’t you work ?Do you receive child benefit ? How long has this been going on for ? I am sorry you find yourself n this position but there will be a way out in time.

EdgarsTale · 04/03/2024 12:12

Can you work? I would start by getting a job & earning your own money.

Single99 · 04/03/2024 12:17

Ok so this is DV . You can litterly leave with no money if its arranged. You can contact womans aid and they will help you to leave . They will help you find a refuge and will have funding to help pay for the cost of travel etc.

You can also approach any council and they must put you and your children into emgency accommodation. Whilst they look into the situation. They are not allowed to send you back.

Money wise either whilst your still there or after you leave. What ever works best for you . You can claim UC . Whilst your living there. Your separated Whilst living under the same roof.

Crikeyalmighty · 04/03/2024 12:45

@Ragruggers that's simply not true if the house is in both names and it's 'bought' not rented. . Marriage is irrelevant in that situation

AngelusBell · 20/07/2024 10:05

Your children are seeing this verbal abuse from him and the physical abuse will only get worse. Contact Refuge and local DV services. It’s more damaging for them to see you putting up with this behaviour than to be in a temporary refuge until you can find a home.

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