Heartbroken at 30, feeling stuck

[YourGreenRaven]

Hey everyone. This is my first time posting here. I'm in need of some words of encouragement from ladies who have been where I am right now.

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last summer and have done a lot to move on (I went hard no-contact) and have started dating again. But I still can't shake this sense of sadness and anxiety about my future. I'm not in a huge rush to meet someone again - though I am putting myself out there - but I feel so burnt and jaded. Dating on the apps is just as soul-crushing as it was last time I was on it.

I thought my life was finally moving on, but I feel like I'm back to where I've been for the past decade (single & renting).

Does anyone have any experiences of feeling stuck, like you couldn't see how things were going to change, and then they did. Any advice? I want to be enjoying the start of my 30s - I think it's a great age - but instead I'm feeling down on myself and a bit hopeless.

I was dumped by a (now clearly unsuitable) boyfriend on the cusp of 30. I moved back with my parents and couldn’t see a happy future anywhere; it all seemed so bleak and so depressing.

i recall one night being out with friends and just feeling so alone and hopeless. Cried and cried.

i allowed myself to feel whatever I need to feel and go with the emotions and use the unhappiness and despair to inform how I might do things next time - even though I couldn’t foresee there ever being another ‘next time’.

Six months later, on a night out with absolutely no expectations, I met DH. We were both into our 30’s and I appreciated his maturity and sensible attitude to relationships which I’d never experienced before, in younger years. However, I don’t know how I would have coped with doing all of this online. Having ‘fun’ with a friendship groups and meeting people along the way seemed less pressurised. Looking back on it, after that blip, my 30’s were a ball and I’m sure they can be for you.

We have been married forever now but I sometimes look back on those strange times immediately before I met him, so I do get it. It’s a long old future ahead of you and you won’t be always stuck. As long as you are open to opportunities and not shutting yourself away, it’s likely that - when the time is right - you will find what you’re looking for.

Oh wow I feel like I could have absolutely written this at a very similar age!! I split up with long term boyfriend at 27 and by the time 30 hit I was feeling very similar to how you described. Dating apps were making me lose the will to live and I badly wanted children and felt like my biological clock was ticking. Instead I tried to focus on the things I could control which were work, having a great social life, friends, family etc and thought I would leave the rest to come naturally. I continued on dating apps but took it with a pinch of salt and massively lowered my expectations, used it more as an opportunity to meet new people and have a laugh and a nice date even if it didn't lead anywhere. Fast forward a few years in 2021 when I was 35 I sold a my house, bought a lovely new one and got promoted at work, later that year I met my amazing partner (shockingly on an app!) and three years later we have a house together and welcomed a baby boy in December so my point is you never know what's just around the corner, and life can do a complete 180 in a matter of months! For now I would just focus on the things you're in total control of and I'm sure you will find that the rest naturally slips into place. You've got LOADS of time and as you have said, 30 is a great age but not to necessarily conform to the idea of what you think you "should" be doing, more so just doing more of the things that make you happy, whatever that looks like!