Can I say no to our one night out?

[Pekoe78]

Please be kind. I have very low self esteem and mental health isn’t great. My DH wants me to go with him to see this young, female singer who is very beautiful, thin with big boobs. It’s pretty understandable that he’s so into her especially when he’s married to me, I’m late forties, fat, flat chested with a very ugly face. I know that most normal sane women would be able to cope with seeing a perfect woman in concert with their partner and see it as no big deal but I’m finding the prospect very hard. I feel anxious about eating now which I know is stupid because even if I got thin, I’m still going to be old and ugly in comparison to her. I feel like I still need to lose weight before we go but just don’t have the mental strength for diets, I have an autistic child whose behaviour is extremely difficult and one of my parents is very ill. DH sees it as a rare night out for us to enjoy but I really can’t face it. I’m just going to feel even more rubbish than usual and have to pretend that I don’t. I know it’s stupid so please don’t tell me that, I’m just hoping there’s someone out there with something kind to say and who might think it’s ok for me to say no to this. Thank you.

This. It's your issue to fix, OP and no one else is going to give you permission to refuse to go to an event because of your own insecurities.

I agree you need to get help before your marriage falls apart, which it could well do if this carries on

Has anyone else told you that you are ugly or not good enough, or is this just how you see yourself?

I truly belive that I am the ugliest person in the world, I hate everything about myself, and my partner constantly reinforces those beliefs so if i think even for 2 seconds that I might be wrong about being sickeningly ugly, he confirms that I am.
And NO ONE can change the way I feel about myself except for me because it's so ingrained into me, and I don't care enough to want to even challenge my own thoughts or feelings.

I have severe depression and anxiety, so I can understand how hard it is for you to try and get through each day and having to pretend that you are ok when you are actually really struggling.
This is not just going to the concert but life in general. Caring for terminally ill relatives and trying to cope with your child's difficult behaviour must be so stressful as well as emotionally and physically exhausting. Do you get any time away from it all, where you can get a break and concentrate on yourself for a bit?

It might be worth trying to see a doctor again about getting some anti depressants. Part of the problem Is situational, but a lot of it isn't, so they could be helpful.

I'm sorry that things are so awful, and I wish that I could make everything better for you. Sending you a hug

That’s horrible if he’s calling you ugly, so sad. I hope you have the courage to stand up to him one day, there’s no excuse for cruelty and it’s no wonder you’re low. I’m so sorry no-one deserves that. I was always called ugly at school but it’s mainly me objectively judging myself as not attractive rather than other people pointing it out. Men aren’t nasty to me but they wouldn’t look twice either.