Fatal Attraction

[Momvoyage]

I think my friend’s partner and I have some sort of connection that I’m struggling to understand. I just need to get my thoughts off my chest as have no one talk to in RL.

I am happily married with a young family, good life, well set up etc. My friend has been with their partner for about 3years and seemingly also very happy. We live in different countries so haven’t spent much time together until recently. Initial meetings were nondescript and it was great to
see my friend so happy. However, I’ve just spent a week with them (in a group) and there was definitely an odd (but positive) vibe between me and the partner (let’s call them S). I don’t know if I’m crushing, S is crushing, there’s a mutual connection, or I’m just intimidating. Whatever it is it feels weird.

Early on in the week there were some great dinner conversations happening when S looked so intently into my eyes that it took my breath away and ever since then things have been awkward between us. S seems to be very shy around me, stiffens up, we both struggle to hold eye contact during conversation. S is known to be shy, as am I which doesn’t help (although initial meetings not an issue). Over the week it has became apparent we have very similar personalities, and outlook to life which I have actually found unnerving! Could we just have some unspoken connection because of our similarities? I don’t know but it’s weird and I’ve never felt like this before. I wanted to ask S if they felt something but thought that would be too awkward so
have just left it for now. I only had one crush on my life and that was my now husband. This feeling is different like a super strong connection that I cannot put my finger on. I have no intention of developing this relationship and won’t be seeing S for a while again, I just needed somewhere to write out my thoughts. Thanks for reading.

It was "harmless". It didn't mean anything.

Said everyone who ever did something they shouldn't have.

I don’t get what the point is of asking S if you have no intention of leaving your H and have said you are aware of the devastation that would cause. It would cause devastation if your H or ‘D’F found out you even asked the question, as what on earth do you hope to achieve, and like a PP asked - would you be happy if your H did this to a friend of yours?!

Added to the fact you live in different countries and rarely see him!

What is the point??

In the nicest possible way, OP, it’s irrelevant whether he was thinking ‘Ugh, weirdo — why the staring?’ or ‘I love this woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her’. You’re married with children and he’s your friend’s boyfriend and living in another country.

You’ve got a mild crush. Their onset is often mysterious. They pass off.

Twice the op asks if this man has the hots for her.

op, I can only assume there is something missing in your marriage, you’re bored, lonely, something. It’s not as happy as you make out, as you’ve developed a crush on your friends partner and are fantasising he feels it too.

focus on what’s wrong in your life. Why yours so focused on this man, desperate to know if he feels it too. All the nonsense about staring in your eyes intently and taking your breath away, is utterly cringe. Assume he’s awkard round you as he knows what you’re thinking and is deeply uncomfortable with it. And focus on fixing what’s wrong.

I have done this twice in my 25 year long relationship. Once with a friends DH and once with a colleague. It feels so important and as if you might have stumbled into the love of your life. It's so powerful.
Ignore i. It will eventually go away and you will think thank the actual fuck I didn't ruin my life and the lives of everyone around me on what was basically a crush.
One of the blokes I fancied I now find so annoying I can barely speak to him!

It’s normal to find other people attractive when you’re in a committed relationship. The important part is how you act on it.
He is like forbidden fruit, it’s new, it’s exciting and it’s given you a little bit of a fun time thinking about lately but remind yourself that’s all it is.

I know you won’t speak to him about it as you will run the risk of ruining your marriage, your friendship and your friends relationship which is far too much.

I say this gently, remind yourself it’s a meaningless crush and move on. Don’t let it stop you seeing and spending time with your friend as you will be making something out of nothing. Stop spending time wondering how he’s acting and thinking he’s acting differently, ( not looking at you etc) just put it out your mind and just carry on being a good friend.

If you find yourself looking elsewhere then think about your marriage and what fun you can bring back into it. It’s hard when you’re married and a parent as the fun aspect goes to the bottom of the priority list, but see if there’s anything you can do to make things lighthearted and spontaneous again.

Well said 👏

It's normally to fancy people and have connections, both sexual and platonic. It doesn't mean your fate together is written in the stars.

He might've fancied you, might be awkward generally, might have disliked you/found you weird, he might be ND.

You don't really know him and you need to deal with your own relationship before making eyes at other people.

Op I think you sound about 12 years old. Seriously you need to give your head a wobble and stop being ridiculous.

Leave him alone!