Dating advice

[Harrytrotter85]

I've been single for 18 months, after being married for 20 years so I'm totally out of my depth with dating! I have no idea what I'm doing.

So, there is a guy who I know has been single for a few years. I've known him a while because our children are in the same school.
I really want to ask him out, but im too shy! I feel as if I've dropped a few hints (friendly text, we chat when we meet) and sometimes I get the impression he'd be interested but then he's never actually asked me for a drink or anything.

Then, last night I saw him on bumble. Would u swipe right? I'm scared that he's not interested at all and ill end up looking a fool. I'll still have to see him quite regularly when I pick my daughter up.

Arghhh, I'm useless at this.

If you swipe right he will only know if he also swiped right. Go for it!

Rather swiping on bumble if you are text friends you could drop a text to say - hey saw you on bumble last night how are you getting on? I was going to swipe but wasn’t sure what you would think.
then see what he says…

Omg. I definitely haven't got the confidence for this!
I wish I did though. At least then I'd know either way.

Really!? I thought, if I swiped right, I'd end up on his list of people who like him?

He’ll only know if he’s a paid up member. If he’s in the fee site you can’t likes

I would swipe 100% because it would open it up!

I'm thinking that if a man is interested, they usually make it known.
He's had chances to ask me out but hasn't and I'm of the opinion that if he wanted to he would have.
Dating is a nightmare in your 40"s!!

Not true. If OP swipes right and he swipes left, a message will pop up on the screen for a couple of seconds saying ‘’you’ve missed a potential match’’. He’ll see this even if he is a free member. But at least he’ll see that she is interested and can decide if he wants to pursue her or not, without having to reject her face to face.

In my experience, when men are interested they will ask you out/ make it happen. If he hasn’t then he is probably not interested. Chances are he has already seen you on bumble so he knows you’re single and looking. I wouldn’t do anything else, if he is interested he will approach you

I'm thinking that if a man is interested, they usually make it known.

I see this trotted out all the time on here but it's not true at all in my experience, and definitely not in 2024.

There are men who are shy; there are men who, like you, think that if they hit on someone it might make things awkward if she's not interested; and there are a lot of men these days who are much more aware that women are tired of getting hit on incessantly, and don't do anything that might disrespect her boundaries. The last one is a good thing imo but it does also mean that if a women is interested she might have to make the first move.

I think "I saw you on Bumble" could be a good and potentially flirtatious IRL conversation-starter.

He will know on free if you swipe right on him, as if he did swipe left it will say you've missed a match lol
Just do it though, if does match then you've already got some common ground to talk about and he lives near you, don't miss the opportunity.

Thanks all.
I need to think about it before doing anything rash!! I like a long time of procrastinating before I actually do anything proactive 🤣.
I keep hoping I'll bump into him when I'm out and have had a drink, but it never happens.

I'm also worried that I'm starting to romanticise who he is and that if I actually went out for him for a while, I'd be disappointed because he won't be the person he is in my head. And that'll be even more awkward!

See, I'm a massive over thinker!!
Maybe I just need to have some sex, the 2 years of abstinence is clouding my judgement!

I'd pay for a week or so, he might have already liked you.

I've paid and I'm incognito so I don't think he would've seen me.

Honestly just do it because you can excuse yourself so easily if he doesn’t take the bait!

What do you think is wrong with suggesting a date to someone, them saying 'no thanks', and you saying 'Not to worry'?

Why is that so bad?

Just swipe right - gives him time to think about it and decide whether he is up for it. The trouble with procrastinating over these situations is that by the time you bring up the topic with them, in your head you are 6 months into a relationship and they are way behind.

What is the worst that can happen, he says no in which case you have lost nothing and can move on.

Yes swipe on bumble!

Your instinct is correct. Men will ask you if they like you. They will, however, accept dates with women they don’t like with a view to an easy lay. So asking them out really just muddies the waters and sets you up for a massive time wasting exercise and potential rejection

@toomanyleggings

Your instinct is correct. Men will ask you if they like you

Not all of them won't. What a ridiculous generalisation. All men aren't the same. Some are too shy to ask but come out of their shell if they are approached.

I'd swipe on Bumble tbh.

You're overthinking it because it feels huge and like a massive declaration but he won't read it like that.

The one thing I realised about dating in your 40s is that all the embarrassment of a boy knowing you like him is irrelevant and unnecessary.

If someone you got on with asked you on a date and you weren't interested, what would you do? Be horrified and run to tell your friends and laugh about him? Or would you say thanks but <insert polite brush off> and walk away with a slightly warm glow that you've still got it?

I took the attitude that it's nice know someone finds you attractive even if you're not interested for whatever reason 🤷🏻‍♀️

Every single man behaves like this. They're one homogeneous mass, interchangeable with each other. Every single man!

Gosh that's a stupid post though.