How to work out finances with your OH

[Seaqueen24]

In a married couple, if one person earns 26k and the other in excess of 80k what would you say would be a fair split in paying the monthly bills and food shopping? Bearing in mind that the earner of the 26k salary does all of housework, washing and cooks meals etc and the earner of 80k pays for most of the work to be done to the house (house renovation). I know not one size fits all, just interested in hearing other people's opinions...

Stop doing all the house work and his bloody ironing OP, he’s taking the piss! Does he give you free access to his money and pay all the bills, as Big Mr Provider? No? Then why the hell should you be his skivvy. You both work, and if he wants that to continue, he can start acting like a grown up and iron his own shirts. How are bills currently split?

Thanks @Naunet, I pay approx £700 a month, him £1000. He put equity into this house from the sale of his previous property. We have both contributed to doing it up, but him the bigger things like an extension, wood flooring, new windows and me the smaller things like carpets, blinds, decorating etc. I know if we split up I will be the one walking away from the property as I obviously wouldn't be able to keep it on myself.

Well, you're married so there would be a financial settlement.

Your salary is really low though, do you have a chance to be better paid?

No offence OP but I'm struggling to see why you're still in this relationship.
You don't have DC to consider, a husband that's never around and treats you like a skivvy. The only thing you have is a nicer house than you'd be able to afford on your own but really. Is it worth it?

You sound more like his housekeeper than his wife and he fancies himself lord of the manor. I don't know what job you do but this lack of self-esteem is also probably keeping you from bigger and better things.

You're only 40. See a divorce solicitor, work out an escape plan and dump this prince of a man. You are married, so you should walk away with at least some of the assets in the marriage especially if you've been together a long time.

He can pay a laundrette service and hire a personal chef, see how much that costs him.

We have a similar split and even though we say all money is "our" money, DH (who earns about four times what I do and is FT whereas I work 0.8 FTE) pays the mortgage and all household bills including any car stuff needed insurance etc. he also pays for childcare (wraparound school) for two kids at primary.

When he gets bonuses they go into overpaying the mortgage and holidays / extras. Mortgage should be paid off in about 5 years or sooner. We're 45 and 42.

I pay for household stuff, food, kids clothes etc. it seems to work for us. If I need any extra help covering costs it's never an issue.

We actually very lucky and that's mainly down to DH being sensible with money all his life. I was a spendthrift in my 20s and also have ADHD so not the most careful when it comes to impulse spending but I'm a lot better than I was!

We share.

All money into joint account. All bills and savings out. What's left we share.

We don't do his and her money. It's ours.

I currently earn vastly more than DH. Other times it's been the other way round. We've both done stints as SAHp and part time too. Doesn't matter. We share cause are a family

If you are both full time you should both be sharing the housework.

DH and I were best friends and house owners/mates before we got married, even back then we put all our money in joint account. Bonkers eh?? We have always followed a "joint in everything" philosophy. We have both worked, neither worked, had redundancies, bonuses, inheritance, all goes in the joint. The house has always been joint. DH has had a company registered off and on, with me as joint director. So all funds from that also joint. I do most of the house and admin, all the childcare, because he worked away a lot, but that was life, he couldn't cover that, because he wasn't here! Married 35 years

This makes no sense to me-if you only recently started working part time, how did you contribute at all?

To what standard is the couple living? to a 26 thousand, to a 80 thousand of to a family with about 50 thousand. Depending how much you spend you have to pay. It is completely different to pay 20% of basic stuff than 20%
of luxury stuff.
There are multiple solutions to your question the more traditional would be to put all the money in a pool and live up to the total that would be around 100 thousand, there is plenty there to spend in basic, do renovations and also enough to have certain luxuries.

OP you say he's on the rigs so I assume month on month off or there abouts? I work offshore, I'm away for 4 months and for those 4 months all my washing, cooking, cleaning is done for me. when I come home I do all of that in the house because my partner is going out to work everyday and I'm not.
I'm pretty sure if I sat on my arse all day doing nothing and claimed it was ok because I earn more I would be told in no uncertain terms where to stick it. He's being hugely unfair to you.
Money wise we split 50/50 at my partners insistence but I pay for things like holidays, days out and majority of kids clothes/presents

@ZsaZsaTheCat I had a small income from an investment that I don’t consider to be work. 🙂

it should be based on your take home pay in relation to each other. Unless you split equally but the higher earner puts more into savings, pays for holidays etc

We have always had disproportionate incomes but not to that extent.
Expenses have always been a split % wise between us.

No one has ever gone without. It does mean over time that savings are a little disproportionate. Though is we broke up I’m in the sort of position where I could just buy a house outright.

I refused a joint account and am the lower earner, bills have never been a problem. We can both buy whatever we want without consultation which is what I want.

You however are being absolutely screwed over with your £700 to his £1000.

There is no indication of your age or length of marriage or if there is ever the possibility of children even if unplanned. We have been together almost 30 years and children are adults.

Do you work full time?

To be honest no I wouldn't expect equal spending money. But then again I was the much higher earner in my marriage

You might be married, but you're not partners.

Please don't excuse his behaviour as 'old school', it isn't, my 90 year old grandad did more housework than my nan did and cooked at least half the meals. If he's 'old school' he'd cherish your role in the home, you wouldn't be working. He's just selfish and mysoginistic.

Assuming you've been married more than 2 years you have rights to the home, savings etc regardless of whose name they're in, and who earned more in the marriage. Courts will look at 50-50 division as a starting point.

But he isn't the provider if you are paying 700 to his 1000 and doing all of the household chores.

I guess it depends what you mean by chores. I cook, clean the kitchen etc. Washing we split although she is more routined than I am, but then I do the ironing. Garden is my territory, we split school drop offs, I do kids clubs that are in the evening. Bathrooms she does.