Have you got a husband like a grumpy old man ?

[MumDaisy1980]

since yesterday I got very irritated from everything he said. I am at the moment preg.

but overtime he started to have this tendency of nth good to say at all. acting like a really grumpy old man.

for example two days ago we finished the bathroom project - done up for the arrival of our baby. It’s a quite a long journey - planned from Sept - it’s our first kind of home project . I did the design , cash flow management , find a suitable builder supplier all new experience to em. Actual work only take 2 weeks. I even paid for everything. (Because his money is tied to shares - for our future home deposit , my money is more for short-medium term needs ). Deepside I very proud of myself .

on return from his work on Friday - I was excited to show him the result and he just pointing the trivial things or almost just find things to complain ! Why the lock is loose
why the door doesn’t shut
why it’s dusty not cleaned (literally the workman just finished work I didn’t expect like a professional clean )
liek it’s really not about those bits
he could even say ‘I thought you checked everything before they go’

but he made no contribution at all other than I only hear bad things .

in the past during pandemic he had some mental problem like can never switch off from WFH. So basically he was like just back from work and still carry those bad energy with him and off load like that .

then I eventually got angry and i said you didn’t pay a penny and if you don’t like it don’t use it

then he switched to say oh it’s lovely and now give me a kiss

isn’t it ridiculous ??

the next morning he continued with oh the toilet seat I had to close before pressing the button

the sink is too small for my head

but again through the project he never say anything about what the toilet should be like
how big the sink should be
like what else he want to do about it ??

*

in the evening , i said can you in charge of the dinner (he can only do put things in the oven heat up level of cooking ) so tonight meal is already very simply . Just need to add on a home made mash potato. He already feeling very challenging.

then I said I am exhausted and I was cooking 6 days this week for three meals (usually on a Friday - Sunday, he naturally would step up on dishes, and meals)

but today he said ‘so?’

i felt infuriating and so ungrateful .

he continued and added ‘so? You r just in a bad mood’

horrible attitude doesn’t he?!?!
😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤
anyone got a grumpy old man husband ?!?!??

Nope.

Were you just venting? Did you want advice? (Not sure there’s any to give, if you want to stay married to him)

Thanks for your quick reply. It’s more venting indeed.

You didn’t install the bathroom yourself! It is quite normal to look for faults on a new job as you would want to flag them quickly. I would also expect them to tidy up after themselves. I don’t think his comments were really that bad.

Yes I agree. But the things he pointed out were not qualify for a second request of extra work, I did value his opinion. But at the time I could sense He was obviously blaming me and had a bad day at work kind of vibe.

because I asked him so what actions did you want I raise . Because next week they are coming back to finish off really small stuff. Then he retract, never answer my question and continue to pointing all the small stuff.

he said what a nightmare and I had to fix it myself!

when no one ask him to fix and I had already said whatever he raise can be passed to the builder. But when I try to confirm with him is that what he wanted then he never answer !!!!!

Oh
and I would like to add that
on top of all his complain
i told him - I wanted to do a good wipe and decorated a bit before use - so maybe wait just half a day
but he was so eager to use it
and was like when can I use the toilet
he started putting his toiletries in the bathroom (which I already told him just don’t go in when I said is ready)
just drove me insane !!!

Bit screwed now if you're already pregnant with his kid

We're you irritated prior to carrying child ?

@FedUpMumof10YO
thanks!

I think irritation might not be the right word. Just there was hard to explain issue in the relationship.

before child in fact he was in a very strange mental state and that started from pandemic when he WFH - and never switch off.

so even out pandemic, Mon-Fri he was very stressed from work. And he just ignore me. No social. Then Sat-Sun he back to himself and very loving . The cycle continued for four yrs - 2 yrs pandemic and 2 yrs after.

We just married before pandemic and keen to have children. i personally think becoz of his mental state, not helping us to try for baby. he denied.

we were living together but not together . Becoz after work he just shut himself away, only show his face in dinner. Sat -Sun normal. On top of that I am making meals for two etc. we talked many times and there was slight improvements.

last year I insisted to go to seek private fertility advice and prepared for IVf. He did say yes go together but deep inside he felt being knock down his ego. And again back to the grumpy point- it happened the doctor was a male, so when the doctor initial advice like healthy diet , stay happy. DH came across defensive and thought waste of money. also initials generic test results show I am very healthy and fertile . But he need some supplements to help increase chance. He felt overall waste of money and didn’t get much out from the doctor.

within three months i luckily fell pregnant and magically - all his mental problems had gone!!! I would say it’s like 180degree changed. Almost every weekday he came home he can make normal conversation with me and shared what happened from work etc

but say in my 1st post - the bad energy he carried resurfaced and just transfer to the bathroom. He tone was more like direct to me - why I didn’t check , I am doing it wrong rather than provide constructive opinion to make the project better.

sorry for such a long post. I am upset :(

Wait til he actually does get old! It gets worse, much worse!!

😆

Your husband doesn't like that other men have built his bathroom, so is trying to put them down and elevate himself by claiming to need to correct their poor work. Its a surprisingly common behaviour in men who don't do trade or other traditional men's jobs, because the men who do seem to trigger insecurities. Your husband also disliked another man telling him he needed to improve his fertility. So I don't know about grumpy old man as much as grumpy insecure man. Out of interest, is he much older than you?

@5128gap you made a very good point!!! Thanks! Ha.. he is not older than me , half a year younger.

indeed that’s the feeling I got but I couldn’t explain.

he indeed think he can done up the bathroom. (Keep pointing this and that - I can do this … I done it before.. I know this tool ) Which I have no doubt he can IF he is full time and got experience indeed (like at least I saw him did some project as his hobby, but I never see one. at home indeed he fix many things which is sth I admire but not a major project). Realistically I don’t think he can. He is in an office high stress job and if rely on weekends means we never will have weekend together and live in a mess for long period of time. Money wasn’t too much an issue for both of us - like we could stretch money to done up by others. Besides the purpose of done up bathroom really for the baby - we didn’t mind to live in the previous dated bathroom at all. So it just have to be done quickly - not a leisure DIY thing .

fertillity case - I feel like he came across like a teenage at every consultation appointment .

perhaps insecurities is a better description . But then donno where the insecurities come from. Maybe depend on context. As he got promo many times and very confident at work.

interesting to know common for other men behave similar when builders are around lol