Is there any other women here who are genuinely worried they’ll end up alone, without kids?

[YouWontKnowMyName]

I asked this already on aibu, but people kind of either didn’t read my post and just made comments on how amazing being single is or just took a piss for other reasons.

So, I’lm try again, hope that’s okey.

I’m not looking for advice on how to find someone, done that, didn’t work.
And at this point, I also don’t care for platitudes of wonders of being single.

I’m just asking if anyone else here has had to make peace and do the work of accepting that they’ll be (most likely) spending their life alone, without kids.

And how did you do it / are working on it?

And this is for those who never had much / any luck, not because they choose to or are ’picky’ and have (at least some) options.

Deeper companionship is what I need. As someone else said friendships with other women only take us so far.

We need a level of commitment, someone to be responsible for. We are not selfish we want to share, we want to be active not passive. Surely these are are good traits to have.
I mentioned in my previous post that I wondered if it is possible to find this with another woman but not be seeking a sexual relationship.

One of my friends is going through the adoption process as a single early 40s woman.

Is that something you'd be interested in?

I only mention it because, until she did it, I was unaware that being single and over 40 wasn't a barrier. My only experience of people who have adopted was many years ago when it was very different.

A heterosexual relationship is no guarantee of this though.

yes some marriages are wonderful. The very best of them requires negotiation and compromise

and many many women stay in crappy relationships because of the social stigma and financial risk of leaving.

so it’s not the case that everyone in a relationship has what you describe.

my mum spent a very long time staying in a marriage with a man that made her feel ignored and worthless.

yes she had kids. But as she moves into the end of her life I don’t seem to be able to alleviate her feelings of low self worth and loneliness.

earlier posters who noted that how you feel about yourself is the most important thing are right.

and no one else can fix you or make you feel worthy.

we have to do that for ourselves

if we do, good relationships are more likely to follow, though still not guaranteed.

there are more good women than men out there, and there will be while women keep compromising with crappy men rather than dare to be alone

I think it is becoming something to worry about less these days. I am married with kids myself, but I can see a lot of women choosing to be single and while certain men rail at them that they'll be lonely and sad I think women are generally much better equipped to thrive being single than men are. People can be lonely in relationships too and there's plentiful evidence that being single and without kids is generally better for women's health and wellbeing.