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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Grey Rocking! Help!

3 replies

Pumba3 · 02/03/2024 08:23

I don’t even know where to start. My husband’s family (mother) is visiting and I find her very difficult (usual toxic behaviour but that’s not the issue). We, as a couple, are going through a bit of a hard time at present (he lost his job and mine is a bit stressful). I explained to hubby beforehand that I had a full schedule and that I neither had the time nor emotional capacity to babysit her whilst she was here; he said he understood. Let me be clear, I have worked, done all childcare (drop off/pick ups/homework etc), I have cooked and provided her with her little “necessities” and I have sat in her company. What I haven’t done is been very engaging or offered any commentary on her long list of complaints. So what’s the problem, my husband to be blunt. Aside from finding their relationship creepy, he is now not speaking to me, mainly because he feels I’m not making an effort with his mum. I totally understand him wanting to spend time with her, I don’t like her (I think she is manipulative and exercises (coercive) control over her children), but I feel like I am the goosberry so I keep a respectful distance (mainly for my own sanity). Has anyone any advice on how I navigate this (my heart is breaking).

OP posts:
Pumba3 · 02/03/2024 09:47

I’ve just asked him why he is being cold/distant with me and he is trying to tell me that it’s all in my head and that there is nothing wrong. He even went as far to say that a hug would make it all better! I feel like I’m going mad 😔

OP posts:
Catoo · 02/03/2024 17:46

Hi OP

So he is speaking to you? Did you let him hug you? Do you feel better?

Sounds like you pulled away to allow them to be on their own together so why was your heart breaking? Because you thought he was ignoring you? Because you think they are too close?

How long is she staying?

Isn’t it more difficult giving her the cold shoulder than just being yourself?

Just trying to work out why you are so rattled by her.

Pinkbonbon · 02/03/2024 18:25

Maybe she's done you a favour. Highlighted that your husband is the same as her. He doesn't get his way so he acts off with you and then tries to make out you are imagine things with you call him out in it.

If he doesn't work, why are you doing all the childcare?

You've been gracious (mad)enough to allow someone you can't stand, into your home, presumably as a comfort to your partner droning a difficult time (a job loss). But you also qre the only one working atm so your focus should be on that. He should step up in the home. He has plenty of time to cook and clean and run after his mother.

But he's what, trying to guilt trip you? Fuck that for a laugh.

Do you want to spend your whole life married to a manipulative wanker (enduring his manipulative wanker mother?).

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