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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partner has changed

9 replies

HazelBeaker · 02/03/2024 08:06

I have 2 sons one from previous who is 16 and a 2 year old from current relationship. Since we had our son my partner has completely changed! I suffered with PND which I know is a lot of pressure but he wasn’t supportive in the slightest, he says I’ve never apologised to him for what he had to deal with and if we argue he calls me a manic depressive. My eldest is currently staying at my mums which isn’t out of the ordinary as they helped bring him up but I’ve been heartbroken and down about this and my partner just says I’m a manic depressive.
if we argue he tells me I am incapable of looking after our son, I can’t cope, I’d never manage without him, I’m not right in the head. He tells me to go get a job, then when I was offered a job he told me not to take it because it was too many hours. He says this every time we fall out and that I should be contributing as he pays everything and gets no appreciation! when I say I could’ve worked but he said not to he tells me he told me to take the job when I know he didn’t say that.
He’s been away for a few days and I’m not gonna lie it’s been bliss, everyone has been chilled including the dog 😂 he’s returned home and basically said our sons behaviour is always worse when he’s not been here, he says what exactly have I done with him over the past few days apart from take him to the park and play gym he basically makes me feel useless. My hair has got major thin which I think is stress related and he just says all I do is sit at home worrying about my hair falling out. He walks about the house with an air of arrogance about him. I’m so confused because when we met he was lovely and so nice.

OP posts:
Pinkie89 · 02/03/2024 08:09

He sounds horrible! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man? He’s going to continue to drag you down, run for the hills!

DustyLee123 · 02/03/2024 08:10

He is abusive, make plans to end it. Will your parents help?

Echobelly · 02/03/2024 08:13

Yes, you should get out, it won't get any better. He was either always a horrible person or he's someone who can't cope with having a child and your PND and rather than trying to work on that and help you he's decided to blame you, which is totally unfair. No one should be asked to apologise for experiencing mental distress and no one should be gaslit about being mentally ill (NB, the term 'manic depression' isn't even used any more) when you disagree about something.

Rainbow1901 · 02/03/2024 08:35

You shouldn't have to apologise for being ill!! This man seems to thrive on keeping you off balance - you look for a job on his say so and then because he says so - you don't take it - so then he says you are not contributing. You do what he says and then he changes his mind again - he is blaming everything and everyone around him for his flip flopping over every little thing.
You have had a taste of life can be like without him - you can work towards that with help from Women's Aid and other groups that specialise here. This man is a misogynist and revelling in it. This man was deep down always like this - he hasn't changed - he just hid it very well!!
You do deserve better and if you approach Talking Therapies which is free - then you will have the opportunity to talk through your issues and get things straight in your mind so you can be a stronger person and sort your life out regarding this man whether he remains in it or not!

Ewoklady · 02/03/2024 08:38

Your parents sound nice so I would confide in them and make plans to get out of this horrible dynamic

I guarantee if you leave him you won’t be as depressed or hair won’t thin

2024Melanie · 02/03/2024 08:50

Make plans to leave

pastypirate · 02/03/2024 08:57

Go and stay with your parents and just leave him. Odds on your mh starts improving soon when you're not being abused every day!

Greenflamesburn · 02/03/2024 09:02

So your mental health and the household is happy when he is away.
He says you can't cope. How long was he away? Sounds like you did an amazing job while he was away and turn your household on its head only for him to return it to doom and gloom on his re-entry.
He knows you don't need him that's why he tells you you do.
You need to put your MH first and don't apologise for it.
Go and get another job take it if he doesn't like it tough. Go do you OP. Good luck

OhamIreally · 02/03/2024 11:00

Oh god another abusive man.

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