a not so horrendous relate session

[TLV]

went quite well, counsellor was able to take a different approach as dh and i are trying to sort things out with a view to him coming home, we've also had some time together as a family over the weekend and alone. I still feel quite down at times I suppose because i'm being impatient and want things back the way they were ie him coming home and not moving into his flat even though it will probably benefit us all.

He is going to start staying over a couple of times a week and we are going out more however I still feel like i'm holding back a little as i'm scared of saying anything to upset him, I want things to be natural between us and even tho we are sleeping together there isn't any intimacy ie cuddling/holding hands and I know it will take time to get back to that, has anyone been through a separation and worked it out and what advice would you give

you have o BOTh really want it. It needs to be equal. otherwise you will be forever tiptoing around waiting for him to go off again. Is the reconciliation what you BOTH want? does he make you feel valued, loved and cherished?? does he really WANT you? what has changed ? why did he go in the first place and what assurances can he give you that he wont do that again ?

please think about these things and don't just take him back because he wants to come home.....

I agree - he really needs to want this to work and be prepared to ask some questions of himself too.

We have been through this and what i would say is dont expect him to be 'able' to open up at first - i think it will take a very long time about a year.

Are you really sure you want this to work for you too - i think there will be a lot of questions you need to answer before you really know that - that is scary but something you need to do for yourself.

You also need to realise that you can never go back to the 'old' realationship that you had in the past you have to have a whole new one where you are now in a better position to know you can cope without him. They may be well and good but it may also be hard for him and this new relationship may not be for both of you - be prepared for that too.

Do take care of yourself as the more you know what you want you will be able to know if that is what he wants.

Good luck and do take it slowly and dont pin all your hopes on it working - feel good that at least you are doing all you can to help but it does take two.