Hi, During our first year together by boyfriend would always talk about "how there is no sooner time to get married". He took me engagement ring shopping and we chose a beautiful ring together. I thought things were moving fast but I thought I had met the man of my dreams, he seemed sweet & attentive.
A few months after the engagement ring shopping at my 30th birthday he planned a big trip to the carribean and planned a romantic dinner for two on the beach saying "it would be the most romantic day of my life". In my head I was wondering if that would be the day he proposes. When it didn't happen I got a little teary I said I really thought that this was going to be the trip when he proposes. Instead of consoling me he started to say very horrible things like "well none of your exes wanted to marry you" and that some of his friends waited 6 years before getting married. I thought to myself "have we lived the same past year"? He was the one that was pushing the engagement and I felt like my dreams were coming true. That night it all came crashing down and his comments crushed me. Afterwards after months of arguing he said his insecurities got in the way.
Not long after that I lost my business and suffered depression and distress, I can't get over the way he treated me so well and said all those wedding-related things just to turn on me, and it brought me down.
Now he is claiming a year on now, that he wanted to see a period of me being well and out of depression for him to want to propose to me.
The past year has been extremely tough, I went from being a successful business woman to. losing everything and adding the relationship problems has just brought me to new lows...
The past months I have started to finally recover from the depression caused by losing my business and being taken to court by my business partner by getting therapy and volunteering with animals. Yesterday we had an argument because I said he wasn't being very supportive in my search for a new job, I was a little bit anxious a job interview and he said his patience that day was wearing out as I was worries about not being able to do the interview. Initially he was trying to be supportive but then he belittled and made fun of my anxiety around the job by imitating me in a condescending way. I just lost it with him. He then went on to say after our arguments got very heated, that that well he was planning to propose to me next week but obviously now that's off.
I feel deeply distraught and helpless and I feel like he is holding the engagement over my head whilst sometimes being very nice but at the same time not being nice to me and making it out to be my fault because of the depression I have suffered the last year. I thought during an argument to bring up the thing that most hurt me a year ago and say "I was about to do it" highly distressing.
I don't know what to do or if this behaviour is a red flag and I should leave, I'm so confused. Or is it all me?