I've had enough , grandparents , wider family , so much to say but I'm not saying it . Should I

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I'm not a confrontational person But I'm not a wallflower either . But I'm so angry I fell like saying so much . In-laws , husband , the whole bloody lot of them . !

Have two great girls aged 16 and 10 .
Married to their dad been together 25 years . His parents are the most selfish people . I don't care about my relationship with them , the less I see them the better . They live about 2 hours drive away . I do welcome them if they visit , I'm polite .
Today is our youngest birthday, aged 10 . No card , no money . They went to see my husbands brother after Xmas . He lives abroad with his family . My husband went for two weeks as well . He could have prompted them , got them to sign a card ? But no , my husband took presents for his brothers children ( older teens ) but came back with nothing for our girls from his family .

I'm angry because our girls notice , we've sat there while his parents give presents to the older teens and our girls get a gift token . Otherwise birthdays are ignored .

I've told my husband that I'm equally mad at him for turning a blind eye to this . Am I wrong ? What would others do ?

Stop gifting his brother’s family. And stop expecting gifts or notice from his side. Just refuse to engage around holidays and birthdays.

Yes sounds simple but my husband just keeps going on . He says he wants to . Meanwhile our girls watch their cousins open presents while getting nothing in return .

Well firstly, if you have not already done so, do not facilitate DH’s card & gift giving. If he wants his family to have gifts, he buys them, wraps etc, and pays for them too.
BIL family not giving gifts is not really significant. They are not local. Grandparents are giving gift vouchers, so they are not ignoring the children, it may just be easier for them. I think you need to focus your DC on the fact that they are receiving gifts which they themselves get to choose.

Sorry they got a gift card each once when brother visiting
We went to see his parents before Christmas because they said they had gifts and wanted to see girls . We ended up going for an expensive meal and coming home with no gifts , except a bubble bath raffle prize that grandad had won 🤔
Still No Christmas presents !

Don't spend Christmas or birthdays with them then so they are aware of it.

I had a similar thing growing up, my grandparents on my dad's side blatantly favoured their other grandchildren -to the point where when my cousin spoke at grandmothers funeral it sounded like he was talking about a completely different person to the one we knew! Both in terms of money spent but also visiting us and just generally taking any interest in our lives.

It just meant we didnt really have any relationship with them -I didn't see grandmother for 3 years before she died and didn't really feel it as a loss. I suppose it's a pity for us but also for them-as me and my siblings got older they started to complain about never seeing us/not being invited to big events/not meeting their great grandchildren etc but the onus was on them to build a relationship while we were younger -they didn't bother when we were young so we didn't bother when they got older and would have liked to see us/needed help. Same with my parents -my mother does everything to help out her own parents but my father doesn't do anything beyond the bare minimum for his (now just my grandfather) because he was so upset about the way they treated us when we were younger.

Basically you reap what you sow!

While it's a pity for your dc as long as they have other family and friends in their life they'll be fine. In some ways it's a good opportunity for them to learn you can't make people love you just because they're family but also they have no obligation to put themselves out for people who don't return it.

Do not sacrifice any special occasions to be in their company.. If dh insists on spending money on them take out the same and go treat your dc... Every time. Make it clear your respect for him is in jeopardy here...

Stop bothering with them. Make no effort for occasions whatsoever. If your DH wants to buy them cards and presents and go to visit them, let him. The penny will eventually drop that the giving is all one-sided. Oh, and if your dc don't want to see them, then allow them to make that decision. They are at the age when they need to know that other people can't force them to do something they don't want to do, and that they are within their rights to assert themselves and say no.

Well, with your update , I am totally with @twingiraffes. Especially the bit about letting your DC make their own minds up.