Just venting

[bubblesummerxx]

Hi guys I'm not usually one to air my business anywhere or to anyone but considering this is anonymous I feel it's a safe place for me to vent a little back story I am 21 years old I am a newly single mum to my gorgeous toddler who is soon to be 2years old I have not long split up with my child's father who I was with for almost 5 years I had been with him since we were 16 young and naive we broke up in November 2023 due to me finding things on his phone that led me to believe he had been cheating on me through out our relationship it was good at the start but the longer we was together the deeper it got the more toxic the relationship was getting he would be abusive to me he would control me and what I would wear who I spoke to I wasn't allowed any friends I wasn't allowed any apps to speak to anyone as bad as all this was you might think why didn't I leave but I just couldn't I loved this guy I couldn't walk away I was in it I was young and unless your in that situation you just don't know towards the end of our relationship he stop showing affection he stopped putting effort in he would never help me with our son he would be so distant like he couldn't even be in the same room as us this is what led me to believe something was going on behind my back which turned out to be true anyway fast forward to our break up we broke up in the November like I said and we had a good few weeks where we didn't talk atall so then December came around and this is when I thought he started to think that he regretted what he had done he missed his family he wanted to sort things out blah blah blah and he did make out like he did miss us and want to sort things out but we would argue a lot of the time still over him not seeing his son and things like that over the course of December up until last week we would talk have deep conversations about where everything went wrong and how he's sorry and he regrets what he did every day and if he could go back he would change it basically selling me the dream and that we will be able to work it out baring in mind i would still see him in person aswell because I would have to do drop off for him to have our son when he eventually could be bothered to have him but in person it would be a short "hi bye" and then go but on text he was so loving fast forward to last week now February 26th to be precise I message this girl that he's brought up to me out of spite in arguments because I knew something was going on but he would always deny deny deny so I message her asking if she knew my child's farther and if anything was going on to my surprise they have been seeing eachother since January! He's being staying at her house they've done everything together she's got feelings for him she basically told me everything you could imagine to shatter my heart so I message my child's farther and say basically how could you lie to me this whole time make me to believe you want to sort things out and come home while this whole time you've been getting close to somebody else he read my message he never responded he blocked me on all social media platforms I have no way of contacting this guy ever again baring in mind I have his child! And now this has left me feeling so hurt why the hell did he bother me in the first place if he knew he had no intentions of sorting things out and coming home how the hell has he been able to move on so fast in the space of 2-3 months when I feel at rock bottom itjust leaves me questioning everything like why lead me on I didn't deserve any of this and he didn't have to do any of this to me! I was faithful all those many years of bein with him
I'm so sorry if this makes no sense to anyone with the way I've worded things or if I've just typed a load of rubbish but apparently writing things down is good to get it of your chest so this is what I'm doing I don't even blame anyone if they don't read this I just needed to vent thank you x

He’s abusive, sounds like he has narcissistic personality disorder. He strung you along and lied to you because he wanted attention off you and other women at the same time. You are extremely lucky you managed to leave him when you and your kid are both so young, some women waste 20 years or more. He is not capable of truly loving anyone and will leave a trail of misery and broken promises behind him.

My advice is to get off the rollercoaster and move on. Make sure you don’t end up with another narcissist.

Agree with pp, he definitely sounds abusive and very possibly a narcissist so it might be worth reading about narcissist abuse.

You can also contact women's aid by phone to get advice and support on moving forward.

He has blocked you for now for power and control and so you don't interfere with his plans. Likelihood is he will return in some form at a later date when he's bored and needing attention. He's not someone you want as a partner and he doesn't sound like a responsible father right now either.

Consider speaking to a family law solicitor about getting a residence order for your child and consider whether you want him to have contact. Legal aid may be available if there has been domestic abuse.

He is also legally obliged to pay for his child so consider applying for child maintenance if you have not already.

Hi thank you so much for your advice and feedback back it means a lot yes I am so glad in a way that he has done this to me because I don't think I ever would of walked away and I would of stayed for however many years being mistreated because my love was much more for him than how I was treated and I know you know what your talking about because his own mother thinks he has a personality disorder and had tried to force him to get help at the doctors but he refuses to seek help he says he knows what's wrong with him and doesn't need somebody else telling him what he already knows so he will probably never change and will always stay the nasty person he is x

Thank you so much for all your helpful information and advice I honestly didnt expect anyone to even take the time to read this but your right he's not a responsible father even when we was together and good he was not will to step up to his responsibilities then he's just not got it in him I honestly think he doesn't even have love for our child he told me after we broke up he wasn't ready and didn't want a child but never told me this when I was actually pregnant that hurt me to think my child who I love so deeply was not wanted and is thought about in that way
Also I did threaten him with child maintenance because he isn't supporting me financially atall with out child im struggling and doing it all on my own he lost his job just as we broke up so now he is claiming benefits and his mother told me that it would be pointless claiming any child maintenance while he's on benefits because I wouldn't get any money and if I did it would only be like £3 a month but while he's on benefits living back with his mum he's going out spending money on nights out with his friends doesn't put a penny towards his child and his mother is happily taking £100 a month of him for rent for being back at home when she's on good enough money herself both knowing I'm struggling I feel like she enables him sometimes x