Struggling with online dating

[fedupdating]

Not sure why I am posting. I am feeling very vulnerable and I am at my wits end.

I came out of a long term relationship 18 months ago as his behaviour was just getting worse and I thought I could find someone better. A year ago, I met a man who seemed to be the real deal. Claimed he loved me. Was consistent, persistent. My family and friends liked him. Then one day up and left. Turns out he's a serial dater. I didn't know.

Next the brutality of online dating, the matching, talking, ghosting. I finally met someone who seemed crazy about me, he was tripping over himself with me. We had been chatting for a month, then went on a string of lovely dates. We really connected and there was so much to talk about. He was very affectionate. Then one day he changed his tune and suddenly wasn't looking for a relationship as his work schedule was busy and he was struggling with life. But he wanted to stay in touch. Whatever that means. Anyway gone.

I screen so much, I am a smart woman, and I am guarded. But I just don't think I can take any more of this bullshit. I don't want to be alone, but maybe it is the lesser of two evils at this stage.

It's got the point where if I meet another guy, I won't be able to enjoy dating, as I will just worry when he's going to disappear again.

Anyone else feel the same?

Why not just take a break? What's up with committing to 6 months or a year recharging your batteries and regaining your self confidence?

I changed my profile. Instead of telling them I’m great I am, single, employed, own home blah blah, I changed my tac

I made it quite clear what I wanted so there would be no mistake, ie I’m no push over.

I came at it like a job interview

Must be single and employed
Kids ok but no under 5’s (my nappy changing days are over)
no scary Ex
No couch potatoes
own transport (I’m not driving him everywhere)
Reliable, honest, love to travel
No fussy eaters (I like a Sunday roast)
Someone who dressed nice and smelled nice

Now you would think that would put most men off, but I gave it a shot.

All the flakes took fright and scrolled on by, but, I soon met the most amazing man, he was all of the above and more.

On his profile, he said he wanted to meet someone who he would be excited to see, every single day. He reminded me of this recently and yes we still are.

We have been happy together for almost 20 years

Im disillusioned with OLD atm. Not been on there long either. Im on a break atm.
Ive been ghosted...slowly ghosted...pervs..no ty... married men... no ty...men who won't grow up...men who want to be looked after and think theyre a catch (not)...men who arent that hot thinking they are in a sweet shop and can pick and choose hottest women when theyre vile and tbh not hot... expectations...too high from a lot of men when they have not much to offer. Men with too much baggage wanting you to alleviate their pain...i could go on.
Got a date Saturday... planned while a go...if this doesn't match..im on a break from dating.
Im independent and like my own time so I'm ok with it

I feel you op, have had very similar experiences, they all seem like such flakers 🥴

I have a second date this weekend with a man who seems lovely, respectful, wants a relationship, is putting in effort, etc but yeah, could just be bullshitting me like others before him. If it doesn't work out I'm definitely having a long break cos I'll be too jaded to continue.

I like the idea of cutting out the bullshit. It’s as much bloody good luck as anything.

I honestly think in ten years time the problem of the modern dating world will be there for all to see. It's not just online dating, it's working from home, traditional meeting places such as pubs/clubs closing down, etc. Dating is bleak now and it's only going to get worse I feel.

It does sound like you have been the victim of love bombing so this is something you need to be more aware of. I've literally had this with every guy I've dated from OLD.

Online dating was frustrating at times as I was doing it for several years. I did similar what @Holdingsteady said and described what kind of man I am looking for and what kind of life I am looking for. My profile text was quite serious and I did get men writing me saying what is this complaining about (I wasn't even complaining) but it just meant those men were not who I was looking for. It got rid of lots of men contacting me and then the ones who contacted me I would chat with them for a day or two before wanting phone convo.
Based on phone convo I then decided if I wanted to meet face to face. I would meet them quite soon as I wanted to create something in real life not something false online. When I met these men I treated it like a job interview where I concentrated on observing them and finding out if they had those traits and qualities I was looking for. I took it date by date and didn't let myself get carried away. I had been dating my now DH for months before I let myself fall in love with him.

@Olika out of interest when were you dating/what age does your OLD experience relate to?

@occhiazzurri I was using POF/Match when I was 34-37 and looking for men of similar age.