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Original poster

2 months no contact not helping i still miss him

41 replies

Genegeniehunt · 29/02/2024 18:22

I could do with some moving on advice please.

So i met someone last February in real life we clicked and i thought he was so wonderful. Things grew slowly hes 34 and im 28 but they sort of never progressed past dating in my eyes. Honestly despite thinking hes a really good match for me at the start he never really made me feel like a priority in his life and our communication styles caused issues.

I dont think hes had any previous relationships. Around 6 months in things were very loving and smooth. he said he wanted me to meet his family. This never happened as even though he was saying it he only invited me once at a time when i was already going to be busy.

there were obviously really amazing times that made me want to be with him and love him. We had trips away together and we were so passionate about each other but there was some sort of block in energy stopping us progressing.

things started really unravelling in October when he went to europe for a week with friends and i said sort of as a test just forget about me and have fun. really i hoped and wished he missed me enough to get in contact just once but nope not even a ‘i miss you’ text. The thing that hurt is i was whatsapp stalking him in the mornings which i genuinely usually do not do but i did everyday and he was online a lot, i wish id never looked. It sounds so petty but i dont get to decide what hurts and this really did.

we talked and sorted things out around a week after his return from Europe but then i found out while we had split for a few days he had been on a dating app but allegedly not met anyone. I am fully in love with this guy at this point so i go absolutely fucking nuts and i dont know how but we ended up ok again. Yes i am a fucking idiot.

now i feel like im in deep but also feel really insecure. Anyway we have a goodish time up until Christmas. So on christmas eve my nana who im very very close to has a heart attack is in hospital in intensive care. its christmas so i dont expect him to drop everything immediately but hes a fully grown man with no kids and he still couldn’t prioritise me. The cherry on the cake came 2 days after Christmas when he told me hes decided he was going to america at the end of January. I was fucking crushed beyond words but didnt let him know that.

i dont see myself as a weak woman i do know when enough is enough so i said no problem this is the end for us and blocked him. Its been over 8 weeks no contact and im fucking gutted. I know hes not meant for me but i miss him soo much. Im not the type to be in and out and i would never ever message him first or anything but it doesnt seem to be getting any easier! Reading the book notes on heartbreak by annie lord last week was great but i still desire someone who didnt treat me right and that makes me so sad.

any advice please for moving forward? Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
Genegeniehunt · 01/03/2024 10:15

supercali77 · 01/03/2024 07:04

Firstly, you will get over it. Secondly part of the reason I think you're struggling to get over it is your passive communication style. You've blocked him yes, but part of your blocking was a hope to see him act on it. You told him to just go and have fun on his holiday as a test. You mention you try to keep things light with the people around you. There's a pattern there of not being vulnerable with people? Which, to my mind, would lead to feeling isolated and betraying your own feelings. Something to work on?

Thankyou. Yes i really need to start being honest with myself. I was neglected as a child and ended up being referred to chams and spent shorts amount’s of time in a mh wards twice in my teens. I discharged myself from mh services when i was 19 as i was sick of being what i saw as pestered.

Its made me get to the point i weirdly enjoy and feel safe isolating myself and burying my feelings. Being a human is such a paradox when i feel shit i will never tell anyone i know i just cannot seem to say im not ok in real life. I dont think its pride or ego my gut just says nope keep it to yourself x

OP posts:
Indifferentchickenwings · 01/03/2024 15:48

2 months is nothing in terms
of healing I’m afraid. It really isn’t . But keep
on keeping on , as you will heal

lifeohlifeohhhhlife · 19/04/2024 18:27

How are you doing now @Genegeniehunt ?

Original poster
Genegeniehunt · 19/04/2024 19:49

lifeohlifeohhhhlife · 19/04/2024 18:27

How are you doing now @Genegeniehunt ?

Hey thanks for asking. Much better im calm about it all and life in general. i do still miss him but not all the time its in drips and drabs. I still dream about him a lot and i wake up unsettled but its bearable now ive accepted we are not compatible and more time has passed.

im enjoying being fully single i seem to have no interest in any men at all anymore and its fucking bliss. hope you are well xx

OP posts:
lifeohlifeohhhhlife · 19/04/2024 19:58

Genegeniehunt · 19/04/2024 19:49

Hey thanks for asking. Much better im calm about it all and life in general. i do still miss him but not all the time its in drips and drabs. I still dream about him a lot and i wake up unsettled but its bearable now ive accepted we are not compatible and more time has passed.

im enjoying being fully single i seem to have no interest in any men at all anymore and its fucking bliss. hope you are well xx

Show quote history

That's great to hear. Going through something similar myself, so just thought I'd touch base with you, as I always find it encouraging when others are nearly out the other side, so to speak.

It's bloody awful going through it at the time though isn't it! x

QueenConsort · 19/04/2024 20:06

You sound lovely BTW, his loss x

Orchidlie22 · 19/04/2024 20:21

@lifeohlifeohhhhlife I'm going through heartbreak, nearly 4 weeks and still have ups and downs. Miss him a lot!

Original poster
Genegeniehunt · 19/04/2024 20:30

lifeohlifeohhhhlife · 19/04/2024 19:58

That's great to hear. Going through something similar myself, so just thought I'd touch base with you, as I always find it encouraging when others are nearly out the other side, so to speak.

It's bloody awful going through it at the time though isn't it! x

Show quote history

oh shit i wish you the best the first 2 months are so painful and unbelievably shit.

At first I used to be like omg hes going to find someone else as soon as hes in america and be happy and all these jealous crazy thoughts. Thats subsided and now i can chuckle to myself and think he is no prize they are welcome to him. I didnt want to make him sound bad in my op because hes not but there was obviously tonnes more shitty stuff that happened in our relationship. hes certainly not partner material for many reasons. You see things a lot more clearly as time goes on.

so sorry to everyone going through this xx

OP posts:
Tillievanilly · 19/04/2024 20:56

Look at his behaviour. He has never put you first. You were clearly falling for him but you weren’t getting the same in return. Give it more time. Don’t settle aim high. Busy yourself with other things. It’s ok to let it hurt but put yourself first. Maybe you wanted him to be something he is not.

Original poster
Genegeniehunt · 19/04/2024 21:17

Tillievanilly · 19/04/2024 20:56

Look at his behaviour. He has never put you first. You were clearly falling for him but you weren’t getting the same in return. Give it more time. Don’t settle aim high. Busy yourself with other things. It’s ok to let it hurt but put yourself first. Maybe you wanted him to be something he is not.

100% No progression, no proper commitment and he just wasn't that into me ultimately. i just couldn't see it clearly at the time. Im left feeling pretty embarrassed by the whole thing haha. X

OP posts:
Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 19/04/2024 21:23

Onwards and upwards! Great to hear that you are doing so well! I really believe these things happen to teach us about ourselves, to heal the wounded child within.

walnutcoffeecake · 19/04/2024 23:09

You need to stay single for a good year and work on yourself.
Stop playing games with people and try and move on with yourself.

Original poster
Genegeniehunt · 20/04/2024 06:32

walnutcoffeecake · 19/04/2024 23:09

You need to stay single for a good year and work on yourself.
Stop playing games with people and try and move on with yourself.

Thanks but this happened last year im not playing games ive been single for months x

OP posts:
Indifferentchickenwings · 20/04/2024 15:31

walnutcoffeecake · 19/04/2024 23:09

You need to stay single for a good year and work on yourself.
Stop playing games with people and try and move on with yourself.

Eh 😐
love how people pontificate and tell people what to do here

NOT

asbestosmouth24 · 22/04/2024 12:17

Glad you are feeling better op. I'm hoping I do soon myself as I am going through something similar. I'm almost at the 2 month point of no contact with him but thoughts of him still consume my every waking moment it hurts and I miss him so much. was only seeing him around 7 months but in that time he told me all the lovely things I wanted to hear, how much he was falling in love with me, he'd never felt this way about anyone before etc. totally "love bombed" as they put it. then suddenly silence and I was blocked. ive since found out he's been trying to get back with an ex partner.
it's hurt so much. Just cannot understand why he said all the lovely things he did when he obviously didn't mean them. this was an older guy too of almost 50 years of age. thought that men would have grown out of this sort of behaviour by that age! clearly not, they're always arseholes!

Original poster
Genegeniehunt · 23/04/2024 06:25

asbestosmouth24 · 22/04/2024 12:17

Glad you are feeling better op. I'm hoping I do soon myself as I am going through something similar. I'm almost at the 2 month point of no contact with him but thoughts of him still consume my every waking moment it hurts and I miss him so much. was only seeing him around 7 months but in that time he told me all the lovely things I wanted to hear, how much he was falling in love with me, he'd never felt this way about anyone before etc. totally "love bombed" as they put it. then suddenly silence and I was blocked. ive since found out he's been trying to get back with an ex partner.
it's hurt so much. Just cannot understand why he said all the lovely things he did when he obviously didn't mean them. this was an older guy too of almost 50 years of age. thought that men would have grown out of this sort of behaviour by that age! clearly not, they're always arseholes!

Hey i understand. i had a bad day yesterday even though i was really busy i thought of him lots and missed him more than i have in weeks it was strange. Im feeling much fresher this morning and i know its a good thing we aren't together. Too much has happened and there is no sort of back that we could go to.

It seems im still struggling with my feelings so I dont have much advice but I hope your feeling better today. its just one day at a time. Xx

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