How to do mother's day

[Eeyore1997]

This is my first mother's day where my low contact covert narcissist mother is living very close by. So I can't just get through by it posting a gift and card and a brief phone call on the day which is what I've done the last few years. Any advice or suggestions on the best way to survive it?

I thought about taking her out for coffee and cake but wondered if this would send the wrong signals and she'd think we were back on track. But I was wondering if a neutral coffee shop would be easier than going to her house?

I also have a MIL too who I get on with very well and my own kids to incorporate into celebrating the day and don't want my stress about my own mum to overshadow it. How have people handled this themselves or what would people advise?

Why can’t you just post a card? Have the day with your children.

Carry on exactly as before. Did she deliberately move closer to you to force a level of contact you are not happy with?

No, I think it was mainly selfish reasons - they used to live in the next town to me and weren't really involved in my life or the lives of my kids. But there will be definite expectations of me seeing her at some point that weekend.

I'm not brave enough! 😏😫😭

Pop round Saturday with a card and a present. Enjoy Sunday with your own little family.

Meet your Mum for coffee and cake the day before? Then give her a card as you're saying goodbye.

Thanks that sounds sensible and was one of the options I was thinking of. Plus it means I can leave Sunday for my golden child brother to see her.

But I suppose I am struggling with how I handle the visit and what kind of present to give. Hard I know for people on a forum and maybe I'm overthinking (I tend to when it comes to my awful relationship with my parents) but I was just wondering how to get it over with with the least fuss.

Pop over for a breezy half an hour and a coffee. Take cakes.. And a cactus..
And leave guilt free.. Imo it's a day for worthy dm's...

You don't have to think about flowers, buy a nice bunch that she can't fault, and leave promptly. You don't have to set foot over the door, tell her one of the kids is about to throw up and you have run..

Love the cactus suggestion 😂

it difficult to say how to handle the visit without knowing what kind of problems you have. Generally I would say do quite a bit of mental planning to avoid triggers.
Aim for a safe present. Flowers and wine/ chocolates/ plant with it, it would be chocolate for me but Prosecco/ wine for my sister, little cakes for our mum. None of us would like a plant but your might be ok with it.

OP you seem to be forgetting that you are a Mum too x
Your “poor me” mindset is overthinking this . You are an adult, you have choices.
Going out for a coffee with her sounds like it would be torture for you.
Get your mum a card post it , or drop it off beforehand. Personally I’d post it.
There is no law saying you must see her on Sunday especially as you aren’t close & she will be seeing the golden child anyway
Celebrate Mother’s Day with your family and don’t you dare feel guilty x

Op I do card and chocs. We not overly close.. she did ask me last year my plans. I kept it vague. Kids sport maybe coffee after that!!

Go no contact and solve your problems

If you absolutely must do something, make a Mother's day slideshow or send her a card, but the point is thatyou don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing. You don't have to take her out now that she lives closer if you don't want to. Be genuine to yourself and carry on as before. Acknowledge the day like you've used to and leave it at that.