I am sorry op.
There is a book called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamil Ravikant. Read and do the exercises as instructed.
However daft you feel doing the exercises, keep doing them. And then do them some more.
It works on changing the thought processes.
The book is written by a man who was in a dark place. He tells you what to do. It’s not hypothetical or ‘think nice thoughts’ or ‘do the work’.
It is very clear instructions, do this exact task, do another. It’s repetitive and simple. No thought required 😁.
Then take care of yourself. Speak to yourself like you would your best friend. Kindly and thoughtfully. If you have a pet sit and stroke them and talk to them.
Yoga try Adrianne. Look for yoga for stress. Really work on your yoga breathing. Learn where stress is in your body and how you feel the stress. Practice daily. Force yourself to.
Then read Gottmans work. Learn what a relationship should be and how to be a great partner. This may help you count your lucky stars that he has gone.
Cheaters don’t cheat because of their partner. You can’t MAKE someone betray their own values and beliefs. He has a but in his fidelity. He does not truly believe in monogamy.
I am faithful for me. I choose daily to remain faithful. I don’t remain faithful for my husband - he is very annoying at times. My words, integrity and self worth matter to ME. I chose to say vows in front of Friends and family, they meant something to me. If my words are meaningless who am I? So I am faithful and honest for me. My husband is my collateral damage.
I cannot make someone be faithful, honest or loyal. If I cook them steak on a Tuesday, shag them twice a day and join them in their hobby how can that increase their honesty, loyalty and self worth? It can’t. Being faithful is a daily choice. Cheaters lie to themselves and then others around them. You didn’t cause it. You were just collateral damage to his poor personality traits.
Cheaters often have other poor characteristics. Poor impulse control, lying, addictions, poor communication, avoidance, people pleasing, needing ego kibbles, cannot self soothe, defensiveness etc. They think others are responsible for their happiness.
Write down YOUR values. Pin them to the fridge and live by them Every single day. Build up your self worth and self esteem. Write why your value is important and what you do to demonstrate it. Journal each evening. 3 things you loved and how you demonstrated your values.
I wish you well op. But be kind to yourself. I promise you that YOU are the prize here. So tell yourself that and treat yourself well.
I wish you a happy future.