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Relationships

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Overanalysing or red flag

8 replies

BonnieBea · 28/02/2024 22:56

36 (almost 37) female. Would love a partner and family but panic i'm getting older and still single. I've been on 5 dates with someone and really unsure if I'm unconsciously pushing any chance of a kind decent relationship away.

On our first date (windy, cold walk) I left feeling so optimistic that he was great. He is kind, chatty, likes doing things I like doing. However I started to get abit of the ick feeling after he dismissed my suggestion and took me to a bird sanctuary and then another cold, wet windy walk. I try and suggest nice places to go but he always seems to have an excuse and would rather just drive about. I'm used to going to nice bars and restaurants and things generally become more passionate earlier.

I've kept things going hoping that I'm over analysing and maybe a spark will happen. However i'm suddenly feeling really unsure after he's suggested going to a really grotty looking restaurant for my birthday. I honestly think he's just lived quite a sheltered life and is inexperienced. He doesn't have friends and spends alot of his free time with his mum and running after his sister.. too many red flags?! or am I always going to push people away after being heart broken too many times. He is kind and interested but is that enough?!

OP posts:
Moonlightandroses44 · 28/02/2024 23:06

sounds like a money issue. You deserve better. Why is he taking you on cold, windy walks in the middle of winter?

SamW98 · 28/02/2024 23:09

It does sound like a money issue but the having no friends would be a massive red flag as well as him dismissing your suggestions and just doing what he wants you both to do.

I would throw this one back OP. Hrs not a keeper

Geppili · 28/02/2024 23:10

🚩🚩🚩

Pardonnezmoimadame · 28/02/2024 23:12

Yeah - this one isn’t a keeper.

had a few dates with a man like this… awful taste in restaurants, always dismissed my suggestions- even when sharing food. Gave me the right ick!!

he was a nice bloke in many ways but it only got worse

sunshineandshowers40 · 28/02/2024 23:15

I don't think you are compatible.

Appalonia · 28/02/2024 23:17

You don't sound compatible unfortunately. And crappy restaurants? Nope! You deserve better.

samestyle · 28/02/2024 23:27

You don't like the same things, start being honest and don't get persuaded to go on windy walks when that isn't you. He's not considerate in letting you choose a date.
I think He isn't your match financially by the sound of it so how would he be a good potential choice to raise a family with.

AllEars112232 · 29/02/2024 06:42

He doesn’t sound great, and definitely not showing any potential for a long term relationship, given he a
ways ignores what you want to do (and is it’s about money as other PPE have said, then he should be up front about that so you can find cheap things to do that you will both enjoy!)

But this is the sentence that jumped out at me: He doesn't have friends and spends alot of his free time with his mum and running after his sister…

I would be cutting my losses with this one personally. There is a reason he doesn’t have many friends, and while being supportive of family can be a good trait, it can be a problem if those relationships take centre stage.

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