My partner of 10 years, who I have two kids with and a house, told me that another girl has a picture of him and her as her phone screensaver.
Back story is my partner joined a mixed gender sports team 18 months ago and takes part in competitions. He was at a comp last week with this “friend” who we shall call Megan. He returned home, after competiting in a team with Megan and four others, and somehow bought up this… “oh you were there when someone asked whether the guy on Megan’s phone was her boyfriend weren’t you but it’s a picture of me and her” or something along those lines. I told him categorically that I wasn’t there and had no clue he was her screensaver. Im now beginning to wonder whether this someone was actually my friend and he’s trying to cover his tracks. I told my partner I found this very strange that a girl who he hasn’t really known for very long as his photo as her screensaver. The photo is from another competiton, 7 months ago, where they took part in a team. And the photo isn’t of the rest of the team, it’s just the two of them. I asked my partner why did Megan have this photo as her screensaver and he relied “she told Me that it’s the happiest she’s felt”. Again very weird I find, why not have the whole team picture from the day. And I honestly believe that someone asking Megan if that was her boyfriend is a very natural and normal thing to do. Because let’s be honest who has a picture of someone else’s boyfriend as their screensaver.
I told my boyfriend it made me feel very uncomfortable. I know this girl, haven’t actually spoken to her, but when I’ve gone to watch them play competitions she knows me and the kids exist.
i stewed in the info for 2 days and then on the third day I asked my boyfriend whether Megan had ever propositioned him and he strongly denied this and said that he felt like she was a little sister he never had and she felt the same.
I then asked whether she had ever messaged him privately and not the group and he denied she had. I asked him to prove it. There were no messages there. However I knew there had been. In the two days I had had this info for, I did wrong and checked his phone. But there were messages there from her, which seemed innocent and it was about going out the following weekend for her birthday. I challenged him and he went mad saying I obviously didn’t trust him. Well no, you’ve lied, deleted messages and are a screensaver on another girls phone. Long story short, he promised me nothing happened and said he now understood where I was coming from.
everything was fine. He went out for her birthday along with others. I was honest and told him I wasn’t comfortable about it but I didn’t want him kissing out on the social with the rest of the team.
today, he went to the sports club. I asked him who was there and he said Megan was but she was training with another team. I’ve sneakily looked at his phone, he’s been in a stinking mood all day but then when I got home (after he had been to the sports club) he was sickly nice. On that phone was a message in his teams chat if a video taken of him by Megan. It was an innocent video of him stretching with her saying “wow look at the flexibility on this video” but it’s the fact that he lied about her talking to her / seeing her.
now what do i do. I’ve told him he needs to distance himself, he’s refusing. I asked him not to be alone with her, it was all arrant that even though the gym hall was busy, they were working out together. He was flat out saying I was over reacting. Am I? I didn’t think I was so I told him once again to back off from her and possibly tell her that I and he feels like she’s crossing the line and if he didn’t say anything to her then I would. Because I’m not being made a fool of. I also go to the sports clubs but at different times due to childcare and I don’t want people knowing things that I don’t.
Am I over reacting or do I trust my instinct in that something doesn’t add up. I trust my boyfriend but I don’t know whether he’s enjoying the attention from Megan. She’s mid 20s, he’s early 30s.