Brother’s wedding - to go or not?

[LHJ21]

My brother has an upcoming wedding and I’m in two minds to go.
I’ve never really had a close relationship with my brother, and only really see him at odd family events over the years, which has become less and less.
Him and his partner have cut themselves off from our family. They only see my parents about twice a year. They have both taken on new identities, he has given himself a new name and his partner who is female that now identifies as a male. They are very anti anything that is classed as “normal” and feel his partner very much looks down on my family.
My parents gave them a couple of thousand towards the wedding, but his partner made a snidey comment that the money would only pay for one of the suits.

Only my parents, grandparent and myself have been invited from our family. My children weren’t invited. I feel a little offended by this. I know it’s their wedding and they don’t really have a relationship with him, but if it was the other way around I wouldn’t exclude his children (doesn’t have any) from my wedding. My husband’s name wasn’t put on the invite, but I put him as plus one, not that he wants to go.

I don’t really want to go, but feel bad my parents and grandparent won’t know anyone else. And as my brother I feel I should go. But I really feel that he’s only asked me because he has to.

Really don’t know what to do?

I would go. Not for your brother but for your parents and the grandparent. Its one day, you will be fine.

I’d do the same , as I went to my siblings wedding, not because of them but because of my mum. My sibling and their oh have a volatile, abusive relationship but I felt I had to be there for my mum , to support her,

Yes, I agree with @AskingForAFriend12 : go to support your parents.

Thank you, my thoughts too.
Kind of resent paying out for a new dress/shoes though as I haven’t got anything suitable that fits 😄

Ha
Charity shop or vinted . Bet you could get kitted out for under £10

Second vinted for something to wear x

I was in the same situation for my uncles wedding. I went because my grandmother wanted to go and so my mother had to and needed the moral support. We were only invited for appearance's and he hadn't realised that just because he hadn't bothered with our family much for years didn't mean I hadn't aged so in my mid 20s I was sat at the children's table and his best man who was at least 50 and married tried to hit on me 😂 my Nan had a great time though so was worth going in that respect.

I'd go to support my parents but that's all. It's hard when you don't get on with siblings but whilst elderly parents are still alive it's important to them I think. It sounds like your brother's life has taken a different turn to yours and not that he's been particularly horrible to you but clearly his family are not a priority for him. But in a way, that's OK. Get yourself a dress from Vinted as others have suggested and it'll be a nice day you can share with your parents if nothing else!

@Sunshineismyfavourite I agree that he isn’t being horrible, but just has different priorities. I’m not too fussed as never really had that relationship growing up due to an age gap, then he went off to uni and made his own life. But I do feel for my parents and the close relationship they lost with him.

I’ve never tried Vinted, will give it a go!

Thanks all!

You may regret it if you don't go. Difficult one.
I wonder if you are able to find out reason for them inviting you that might help.

So pleased your going
enjoy the company of your parents and grandparents

I'd go if you have any hope at all for your relationship, or just to support your parents. Unless you have a very young child or nursling that would prevent you attending any child free wedding.

I didn't go to a siblings wedding due to the above, no regrets even though it's always affected the relationship with them going forward. I would do so now my children are a lot older though.

The OP was last on this thread in February? Perhaps she has been to the wedding already?

Come back and let us know OP?

I’d go, you can’t see the future how people can change over the years, don’t go blowing up bridges, just suck it in and enjoy the free grub and have a dance who knows you might have fun

It’s pretty nuclear not to go to a wedding when it’s a sibling

its more a can’t be fussed then it will be hideous so I’d just suck it up and go

It would be ‘pretty nuclear’ for me if one of mine or my DH’s siblings didn’t invite our kids, who are their niece and nephew, to their wedding…not a chance that we’d go!

ZOMBIE THREAD (from a year ago).