My mother has crossed too many lines and boundaries with me now, I'm going forward with my decision to cut her out of my life.
I won't mention the long and difficult arguments I've had with her about boundaries and respect for me, my space and my things over the last 10 years, but I've had it now. The past weekend I went shopping with her, to look at some showrooms as myself and my OH are at the final stages of buying our forever home. My best friend moved to Canada last year and I miss her fiercely, so I'm left with few options for female companionship these days.
While we were out at the shops, I asked my mother if I could drop by her house to pick up some items I'd left there for safe-keeping (see how I ask and don't just show up unannounced and uninvited, definitely don't get this from her). One of the items I wanted to get was a Waterford crystal decanter that my best-friend had gifted me one Christmas. I didn't have anywhere to store or display it in our tiny rented flat at the time, so had left it on top of a bookshelf in my mum's living room, out of the way and unobtrusive. Even though I've since given up alcohol, its still a beautiful piece and holds a lot of sentimental value, even more so now that my friend has moved so far away.
My mother makes a face, like she knows she's about to say something that will upset me, and says "oh that went in a charity bag". When I asked her why she would do that, as I was clearly upset, she proceeded with her usual gaslighting and victim mentality. "You weren't using it, you don't even drink, you left it in my house, its not a storage unit, it was only gathering dust, you left your stuff there for me to clean and store..." on and on. Anything but an apology. I will say that I have nothing in my mothers house, I stored what little I had in her shed (which is periodically cleared out with a skip without anyone being consulted, and things are often moved and exposed to damp and need to be thrown out - I think she does it on purpose). The decanter was the only thing in the actual house because it was so delicate.
Cut to the next day, I went to my mums house to start clearing out what little was left of my possessions. While she was upstairs, my sister confesses to me that "It didn't to go a charity shop. She gave it to her sister (my aunt)." I contacted my cousin and he says that yes his mother does have the crystal. Great! Except my aunt lives in Italy and took it back with her before Christmas.
I'm just so fed up with her. If she doesn't respect me or my things, then there's no way she will ever step foot in my new home. I'm so glad to be putting distance between us, all the efforts I've made just fall completely flat, and even when I think she might be trying to be better I get stark reminders of how rotten and nasty she really is.
Anyway, thanks for reading, I just really needed to get this off my chest!