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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need to completely cut off an ex…advice

3 replies

Ninkynonk2021 · 27/02/2024 23:34

Split up from my abusive ex and father to my youngest. I didn’t speak to him for 10
days then he started emailing me. I’ve told him I’m not interested but I’m worried that he will use the same woe is me tactics and I’ll feel sorry for him (clear trauma bond) and take him back only to be in this situation again 6 weeks later.
someone tell me how to stay grounded and not listen to the crap.
atm it is a case of having to speak because of our child and him making me feel guilty

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 27/02/2024 23:49

Either don't read the emails, or ask someone you trust to read them, but filter out anything to do with DC to you and ignore the rest.
Other than that, involve SS and only agree supervise visits at a contact centre.

Mydentity101 · 28/02/2024 01:29

Change email address or if too much hassle, ignore and delete his incoming mail, unopened. Communicate about your kids only, not even small talk if you can help it. Look for support groups online, I understand that Facebook is good but there are other sources I'm sure. Make a few voice recordings on your phone venting about what's happening and how it's making you feel inside. It's a good technique for letting off steam and disposing of it, without therapy.

Main thing is you don't allow any abuser to slither back into your life and clog it up.

Good luck

Pinkbonbon · 28/02/2024 01:32

Block him on everything apart from say...a burner phone. Leave that in a drawer and only check it occasionally. Dont respond to anything that isn't directly child related. And even then only things like confirming pick up and drop off times.

When possible, have a family member do pick ups and drop offs. If you have to do it, only meet in public places. Stay in your car if possible.

For example, say you have the child on week days and he does at at the weekend, I'd check the phone on maybe on the wed and thurs to see he isn't cancelling. And again before taking the kid out to him on the Saturday. That's it. Over the weekend I'd leave the sound on incase he texts with a child emergency.

Never check it after 7pm (if the kids not currently with him) as you'll only stress yourself our before sleeping if he's texting shit.

Before responding to anything,at the vvery least, count to ten. No matter how hurtful or goady he's being. Think 'does this need a reaction or is that just what he's trying to get?'.

Ideally, put the phone away in a drawer and go have a cuppa and watch an episode of your fave show or two. Dilute the feeling to knee jerk react.

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