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Original poster

Underwear that wasn't for me

51 replies

Sadmomma99 · 27/02/2024 22:11

I have been with my SO for 9 years. We have 3 kids. Lately he has been distant, on his phone alot more and messaging someone from work who 15 years younger, single, no kids. We spoke about it and he said nothing was going on, that they are just friends and I'm worrying about nothing. Things were getting better until I found something in his drawers. I found some matching underwear that he brought whilst we were on a weekend away together. They are love hearts and the words love. Boxers for him and matching bra and knickers. They are in a size small. I'm not a small amd he knows that and they are defo something i would never wear. He also had the package sent to his parents house and then hid it. How do I go about asking about this and Is here a reasonable explanation that I couldn't have thought of?

OP posts:
Xenoi24 · 28/02/2024 00:12

They are love hearts and the words love. Boxers for him and matching bra and knickers

You should probably be getting rid of him for being such a cringy, tacky, poor taste bastard anyway.

TheChosenTwo · 28/02/2024 00:18

Does he often get things delivered to his parents house? Do you get on with them? Any chance you could mention to him that they had said to you about a package being delivered there and ask him what it was?

But really Op, I think it’s skirting around the issue and you know deep down. Sorry. What a fucking shit.

Blackcats7 · 28/02/2024 00:19

Sort your finances out first thing before you confront him. This is not going to end well so protect yourself as much as you can.
Better you know now that he is an unfaithful twat before you waste more years on him.
Sorry OP.

scaredofff · 28/02/2024 00:22

You're going to be gaslit into next Tuesday with this one when you confront

Wallawallakoala · 28/02/2024 00:26

scaredofff · 28/02/2024 00:22

You're going to be gaslit into next Tuesday with this one when you confront

Absolutely this, I’m sorry to say

Laloca2000 · 28/02/2024 00:59

I'm really sorry to say that I have been in your shoes more than once, different partners. I have found a receipt for jewelry I did not receive, that led me to investigate a little further, found out stuff I really didn't want to know and eventually divorced. Also with 3 kids.
Another partner gaslit me on and off for years, even when he turned up to pick me up from work with shiny glittery lips, turned out he just could not stay away from his ex.
Partner 3 was the last , WhatsApp message turned up on his phone late one night, love hearts and kisses from 'Dave'....each and every time they tried to explain it away. If you know your partner and you just know he would never give you something like this, then you are correct. Don't underestimate how well you know him, and don't accept any bullshit excuses. As @Blackcats7 said, get your finances sorted first, then when you are good and ready, let him know that YOU know how much of a lowlife he is. Leave the undies on his car windscreen for the world to see, then walk. And don't look back. I'm so very very sorry but you will get past this.What a bastard. Big hugs, and masses of good luck.

CupOfCoffeeandaPineappleChunk · 28/02/2024 01:22

This is probably unachievable fantasy, but
Hide them for now and feign ignorance
Buy yourself a second matching set secretly
Get add much control of finances etc as possible and keegan advice
Put in your set under long coat
Go with friend bearing camera to OWs place
Present her with her set whilst Proudly displaying your own.
Send photo taken by friend On phone to SO IMMEDIATELY. He will discover his bag outside, locks changed and you have re-establish done control over money.

Obviously this is unlikely to be realistic and I'm having a mad five minds but it would be nice.

In actuality it is possible a man could buy entirely the wrong size clothes or underwear. After 9 years together DH brought me some very expensive very pretty silk knickers from selfridges one birthday. Inside the wrapping- size 18s. I was a size 6-8 at the time. He genuinely just didn't really get it, even showing him them compared to me he was blank. And his attempt at bra set buying ( apart from being hideous) -well I don't know who he'd been seeing naked every day for 12 years! I suspect he had just picked up a bra and pair of knickers without even considering sizes. No concept at all. He knew i was a 6-8 in theory but couldn't work out how any of that ever translated if he bought for example a dress for me, I got a size 14🤦‍♀️

Mydentity101 · 28/02/2024 01:44

Antelopevalleys · 27/02/2024 22:24

Could you put some deep heat in the crotch area of the underwear and wait it out?

Heheheh beautifully said, still cracking up..I so needed that!!

Pinkbonbon · 28/02/2024 01:45

I'd empty the whole drawer and say you are moth proofing the drawers as part of a spring clean or something. Have all the clothes emptied on a pile on the bed and watch as he tries to find a way to get them out of the pile without you looking. Keep inventing reasons to stay in the bedroom. Watch as he tries desperate to get you out. Move the pile around and watch him squirm.

Rania78 · 28/02/2024 02:13

Pinkbonbon · 28/02/2024 01:45

I'd empty the whole drawer and say you are moth proofing the drawers as part of a spring clean or something. Have all the clothes emptied on a pile on the bed and watch as he tries to find a way to get them out of the pile without you looking. Keep inventing reasons to stay in the bedroom. Watch as he tries desperate to get you out. Move the pile around and watch him squirm.

So funny 😂

changedagain67543 · 28/02/2024 02:26

I would not confront him. As pp said you will be gaslit. You need to act cool and calm but find another way to know for sure. I would be going through his phone personally.

MadMadamMimz · 28/02/2024 02:34

changedagain67543 · 28/02/2024 02:26

I would not confront him. As pp said you will be gaslit. You need to act cool and calm but find another way to know for sure. I would be going through his phone personally.

Agree, you won't get a straight answer.

The key to this is in his phone. Do you know the pin? If so, hide his phone in the morning before work so he leaves without it which will give you plenty of time in the day to look through it. I usually wouldn't suggest phone snooping but you have more than enough evidence to be suspicious.

I'm guessing there is not a birthday or anniversary coming up that they may be presents for?

momonpurpose · 28/02/2024 03:17

IggOrEgg · 27/02/2024 22:32

Its a stretch to think there could be a reasonable explanation to this. He’s up to no good. Sorry.

This. I'm so very sorry op. Get rid of the undies and him. There's a better life out there for you and you deserve happiness

CheekyHobson · 28/02/2024 03:32

All you need to do is remove the underwear and boxers from the drawer, wait till he gets home, and has settled in so you can have his full attention. Then go get the underwear, walk up to him, put it right in front of him and say in a calm but steely voice, "So who's this for then? As I know you're not stupid enough to buy this size for me."

Do not talk your eyes off his face for one second while he takes this situation in. Stay aware of your own feelings as you watch his face and reaction. In your gut you will know right away what the deal is.

My guess: he will go white, scramble for a response for a few moments, avoid eye contact, then come up with some half-arse excuse about it. Stay present to yourself. If what he's saying sounds like bullshit, say very calmly. "I know that's not true. Try again. Final chance."

He might fess up at that point or he might continue to give weak excuses that don't quite add up or sound convincing. Either way you'll know.

Or you could just decide not to go through that whole rigamarole because honestly? You're not silly, you can put two and two together for yourself.

Monty27 · 28/02/2024 03:55

Mydentity101 · 28/02/2024 01:44

Heheheh beautifully said, still cracking up..I so needed that!!

Show quote history

Chilli powder is the way to go I reckon. Discreetly obvs.

LoudSnoringDog · 28/02/2024 04:00

Xenoi24 · 28/02/2024 00:12

They are love hearts and the words love. Boxers for him and matching bra and knickers

You should probably be getting rid of him for being such a cringy, tacky, poor taste bastard anyway.

I thought this too. Every orifice in my body would seal up if I was expected to wear tacky matching underwear. Ugh.

BitingtheSkirting · 28/02/2024 04:49

You have the receipt.

You could send it back and exchange it for a nice set in the right size.

Save the poor chap a job, as it was clearly a present for you that wasn't quite right (whistles innocently).

Pinkfrlls · 28/02/2024 06:04

I sent my husband to buy big cotton knickers after I had a c-section and while I was in hospital. I had put on 20 kg while pregnant so I was no lightweight at that stage. He came back with size 10 control top knickers because he said they looked voluminous.

I suspect though that this was not an innocent mistake. You could just ride it out by ignoring what you found. I really hope you are a joint owner of the house. If you are, the unpleasantness of splitting his major asset may bring him to his senses. Alternatively, the loser other woman (and I say that as an ex-bombshell who would never have had any sort of dalliance with a married man because there are so many other choices) might get fed up waiting for him to act.

On the other hand, you might find his behaviour unforgiveable and kick him to the kerb. It really does depend on your own financial situation whether this is a good idea.

None of these scenarios involves you actually donning knickers three sizes too small - that is just undignified.

Sceptical123 · 28/02/2024 06:22

Antelopevalleys · 27/02/2024 22:24

Could you put some deep heat in the crotch area of the underwear and wait it out?

This is amazing advice 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Sceptical123 · 28/02/2024 06:25

MadMadamMimz · 27/02/2024 23:21

There could be an innocent person explanation. My dh once presented me a size 10 lingerie set when I have 32F boobs. There was no way in hell that I could shoe-horn my baps into those cups.

Confronting him is one way but be prepared that he might be lying. Alternatively, hide the receipt but not underwear and see if he either presents it to you or it disappears. If it disappears then he can't have returned it as you have the receipt which is when you confront him and see if he lies about returning it.

👍🏻

ZebraD · 28/02/2024 06:27

Confront him face to face…you’ll know if he is lying. Then take it from there.

Sceptical123 · 28/02/2024 06:33

MadMadamMimz · 28/02/2024 02:34

Agree, you won't get a straight answer.

The key to this is in his phone. Do you know the pin? If so, hide his phone in the morning before work so he leaves without it which will give you plenty of time in the day to look through it. I usually wouldn't suggest phone snooping but you have more than enough evidence to be suspicious.

I'm guessing there is not a birthday or anniversary coming up that they may be presents for?

Show quote history

I was going to suggest wrapping them up for him! Preferably to be opened in front of his/your family and tell him where you found them.

Sceptical123 · 28/02/2024 06:37

BitingtheSkirting · 28/02/2024 04:49

You have the receipt.

You could send it back and exchange it for a nice set in the right size.

Save the poor chap a job, as it was clearly a present for you that wasn't quite right (whistles innocently).

That’s good advice. It’s a shame you can’t just ask for refund but would just go to his bank card. I’d be tempted to get them out the house tho so he’d have to ho through buying again - if he was that desperate- and he’d know you’d found them but hadn’t said anything. Make him sweat. What a fucking pig.

Rania78 · 28/02/2024 07:49

I think just take a picture of the underwear and wsit it out. If they disappear one day then you know they definitely weren’t for you and wasn’t an innocent mistake. Pack his bags and tell him to leave.

Immemorialelms · 28/02/2024 08:21

Don't confront him yet because even if he says there is someone else he will minimise, minimise, minimise. They were a joke/we haven't even kissed etc etc.

Find out more by either looking at his phone, or anything like browser history (might have been someone he met on a dating website).

I also like the idea of taking the receipt but not the underwear and checking when it vanishes.

You have some more finding out to do if you want to know the full extent of the affair. But just to say - nobody buys cute his n hers sex things for someone they have not yet had sex with.