Lack of affection ... is it normal?

[Cadbury25]

Married to my husband and living together for a few years now, we have young twin boys who are the shining lights in our lives.

I was sitting with myself wondering if it was normal to have a husband who isnt really affectionate like at all...

I cannot remember the last time he gave me a kiss or a cuddle and I think I have just let it go and pushed it to the back of my mind until its now become the "norm"

I do not feel comfortable initiating this myself because I almost feel as though what if he doesn't me to and feel embarassed to do so quite frankly. I used to cuddle him and be playful etc but when it is not reciprocated I feel silly to carry on.

I watch the boys all day and cook and clean etc so I am doing my bit but I feel so undervalued and unappreciated. I do not expect a thank you but some sort of affection or showing me you care is that asking for too much?

For example when he would come home from work and go straight to the boys and be delighted to see them but as for me a mere hi or hello if he remembers to say it.

Is this normal? Are husbands meant to be at least affectionate on some level?

Maybe you could suggest some counselling. Things aren't quite right and it's a symptom of that. Better to nip it in the bud than let it drag on. Are you still regularly intimate or has that suffered too?

I can't say what's 'normal' but in my experience it is. Your husband is meant to be your closest ally, the person you loved being with so much you chose to commit to each other and to spending your lives together. If he doesn't feel affection, then what does he feel? And if he doesn't show affection, that's bound to have an impact on you.

It doesn’t sound normal … how long has it been going on? Sorry OP, you sound like you are longing for cuddles and attention.

Are husbands meant to be at least affectionate on some level

How does it get decided what someone is 'meant' to do? Who's the authority we're supposed to be bowing to?

Every relationship is different. Every person is different. It's normal if it's your 'normal' in my opinion.

The question isn't is it normal but are you happy with it? Sounds like you're not. You don't have to put up with something that makes you unhappy or feel bad just because it's viewed as 'normal'.

Have you spoken to him about it?
I went through 25 years of only me initiating... Sex, cuddles etc. in the end it broke me...self esteem low.im very tactile..i need touch..he didn't.
We all have different love languages but we talked and nothing changed.
I got tired with initiating and getting nothing back. I was lonely.

It may not be one of reasons for you..but i eventually found out my ex was using porn... excessively. Erectile dysfunction and being :absent' emotionally.

Talk with your husband xx

Has it changed since the boys came along? Twins are SO MUCH. Perhaps in the early days when he initiated intimacy you hadn't got capacity to reciprocate. Then by the time you were feeling ready and less touched out, he'd stopped trying. And then you didn't know how to start it.

Are you still having sex? I'd try a drank conversation. Be honest.
I miss it when we used to...
I miss that we no longer....
No blame. Don't do the "you don't do this" but open up a conversation about what you'd like to change

It might be his normal.

Have you actually told him how you feel?

Some people don’t need as much affection as others and perhaps need to be given a bit of guidance on what you like.

“I love it when you give me a hug, it makes me feel….” Etc.