Anybody had or having an amicable separation/divorce?

[Definitelynotme2022]

Or do I have my rose tinted glasses on?

Dh (or whatever he is now) and I have mutually decided to separate after a year of trying and trying again. We don't hate each other, far from it, and want to get through this as friends. He's a great guy, but just not for me anymore.

But.... I can't see any positive posts!! And I get that this is the place you come to if you want to sound off or get advice, but anyone??

Of course there are amicable divorces. Like you said, they aren't the ones you'll read about here. I'm a couples counselor and have worked with many willing couples through divorce and many of them didn't end up hating each other.

However, it's not a bad idea to keep your own expectations in check. Amicable divorce does not mean ending up being friends afterwards. This is hardly ever the outcome, and when it does happen right after the divorce, it ends up complicated and disappointing in the end.

Amicable means wishing each other the best and making sure not to complicate the divorce unnecessarily, being fair and reasonable and willing to compromise.
Friendship after divorce, real uncomplicated friendship, doesn't work that way. You need to let each other go first, or you'll end up being a toxic influence on any future relationship you both engage in.

Yes me. Split in 2016 after 23 years and remained amicable.
At time of split our DS was 11 and we agreed to work together to co-parent and as time has gone on we’re just absolutely fine when we communicate.
We help each other if needed. We see each other as old friends now.

Me.

Incredibly hard at the time and we've had our ups and downs since, often regarding parenting but it has changed into more of a fraternal relationship. And we co-parent well together.

We see each other regularly, eat together, have holidayed together, help each with jobs, problems etc. Both with and without our partners. No jealousy on either side. I'm even friendly with his in-laws!

We have two dc's together, both still at home and we both have adult children from previous relationships. Our youngest (pre-teen) is autistic and can be really hard work, it definitely takes both of us tag teaming in and out on various things.

We genuinely still care about each other, we've just got to a place where we realise that we can't make this work and we'd be causing more harm to each other and the dc's if we continued.

Neither of us have any surviving parents, but he is very much grandad to my grownup dc's children. And I'd hate for that to change.

We've had couples counselling before and will possibly do that again, although right now I'm having some counselling on my own as I've had a very traumatic few years.