Non live in boyfriend and helping around the house

[NewYearSameOldStuff]

Me and my bf don’t live together, I generally spend 3 nights a week at his house. He never comes to stay at mine.
I was wondering what other peoples non-live in partners contribute towards housework? It’s not an issue we are having I was just wondering if I do enough.
He has a cleaner come 2 times a week, so there’s never loads of cleaning to be done.
I help out with his and his 2 DD’s ironing so his cleaner has more time to clean. I normally do the food shopping and help cook and clean up after we’ve eaten when I’m there. I’ll help change the beds and hang out the washing, walk the dog and Hoover if it looks like it needs doing .
what you consider this enough? I also have to fit in all my own housework.

My ex did no laundry at mine (even though I would often wash his clothes) and definitely not ironing for my children. He never changed the beds (though my cleaner does this) or washed towels. He would do a tidy up with me after the kids had gone to bed a lot of the time.

I pretty much always did food shopping. We would take it in turns to cook and whoever didn't cook would sort the kitchen after usually. He would do the dishwasher quite a bit. He also would mow the lawn. At his I would make his bed, empty the dishwasher and just generally tidy up a bit.

I think you do way too much tbh! I should add that he would say I took advantage of him with the amount he did at mine.

I would do some food shopping as your eating there and clean up when I’m there.
I would walk the dog, simply because I would enjoy it.
I probably wouldn’t regularly do things like washing or vacuuming. If I was staying there a few days at a time I would muck in. What’s your bf doing, is he helping?

I would expect you to tidy up after yourself, that's it.

If I were in his position, I wouldn't expect you to do anything. Essentially, you are his guest, albeit a different situation than a pure guest.

The only exception might be if it enables something you both wish to do together. Something like "could you walk the dog while I sort out the children please? Then we can get to the restaurant".

That said, it is a nice thing to offer help, but you shouldn't get bent out of shape about whether you are doing enough. Have you spoken to him about it?

I'd help cook and clean, and that's probably about it if I was staying 3 times a week. I wouldn't feel the need to be involved in cleaning if he has a twice weekly cleaner. How much hoovering needs doing? I'm also buggered if I'm doing someone else's ironing.

Ask yourself whether he'd been doing all this at your house, maybe? How much is he doing on the 3 days you are there - because it sounds like you are probably doing more than he is. I'd have thought between you and his cleaning lady you were managing to do it all for him!

You do far too much. Whoever cooks, the other washes up. Contribute to the food shopping.

You should not be walking his dog or ironing their clothes.

I bet you do more of his housework that he does, you're acting like a right mug.

You do more than enough. Why are you doubting this?

You are there basically half the week so would expect you to do your fair share of cooking/ tidying.
Not ironing though and not food shopping.
What the hell is the cleaner doing twice a week? Surely they should change the beds?

OMG you are the housekeeper! I would get food for that evening, cook or clean up after cooking - that's it. I'd also want to know why he didn't spend time at mine...

Help with cooking, help with washing up and tidying kitchen after. Either buy the food for those three days or offer cash towards it.

That is it. Unless you enjoy walking the dog but it shouldn't become your job to do.

He would do nothing at yours if he was single, guarantee it.

What does he do?

You are doing way, way too much! You are behaving like his housekeeper. Did I read that you are ironing his children's clothes? That stops right now. You are not their mother. You don't live there. You are only there three nights a week. Time to make some changes.

Cooking together and helping to tidy after yourself is fine. Getting food in to share whilst you are there, fine. Ironing for him and his dc, washing bedding and vacuuming is bonkers. (Why do you need to vacuum if a cleaner comes twice a week). Walking the dog fair enough, that's not a chore. Don't be a mug op.

If this is really happening then you're a mug. I'd shop for the 3 nights, cook and wash up , put the rubbish out the nights I stayed over and tidy up after myself. How old are the kids.

I would do the same amount as would be considered fair for a boyfriend who stays at over your house. Which means basically making sure that your presence doesn't cause an extra workload for your partner.

If you're there and he cooks, I'd do the dishes. Maybe buy some groceries now and then when you're eating there, but not so much that you're paying for their groceries even after you've left. Just a few of the meals and snacks you'll be eating when you're there.

Anything that he'd still have to do, regardless of you coming over, is not your concern. Hoovering (unless you shed an extraordinary amount of hair, or bring a dog who does so), washing or ironing his childrens clothes, changing the sheets, those are not your jobs. They are his, because - as you say - you still have a household of your own to tend to.

Whatever gave you the idea that all those things weren't even enough? In my opinion, you're already doing way more than you should.

I bet he’s laughing his bollocks off

Stop now OP, seriously