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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Walk away?

16 replies

Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:03

I've posted on here before about my dating dilemmas, here comes another one!

A guy i've been dating recently, for about a month, has recently told me his ex was a sex worker. I'm not sure how I feel about this. This now coupled with the fact he admitted fairly early on he has relationship ocd, I didn't think much of it at the time as I wasn't thinking too far into the future with him, but now we've been on several dates and started to spend more intimate time with each other, I have broached the subject of exclusively dating, not for a relationship, more because that I wouldn't expect him to now still be seeing other people and vice versa.

His response was quite wishy washy, the thought of monogamy scares him, he has a tendency to make things intense early on, his relationship OCD. I do like him and do feel there is a connection there but yet again, this feels like I might be flogging a dead horse? I don't think dating in early stages should be this complex surely?

I've tried to lay my cards on the table fairly early in the interest of not wanting to waste my time and to protect my own sanity and health! But when it's not met with the response you would want to hear I guess that's your cue to move on?

OP posts:
Jennalong · 27/02/2024 10:05

Yep that would definitely give me the ick .

MinervatheGreat · 27/02/2024 10:08

“Wishy washy?”
“The thought of monogamy scares him.”
He went with a sex worker! Have you/he had a test?
Throw him back.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/02/2024 10:14

What on earth is "relationship OCD"? Is this a 'thing' or just some drivel he has made up?

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:19

Wishimaywishimight · 27/02/2024 10:14

What on earth is "relationship OCD"? Is this a 'thing' or just some drivel he has made up?

I know it was a new one on me too! It's a condition where if people are in relationships they obsess over the person/their past relationships etc etc. He was quite open and honest about it all but it's the other factors too which have given me the ick, tbh I'm finding any man who immediately responds in a flakey way about exclusivity immediately gives me the ick

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/02/2024 10:21

Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:19

I know it was a new one on me too! It's a condition where if people are in relationships they obsess over the person/their past relationships etc etc. He was quite open and honest about it all but it's the other factors too which have given me the ick, tbh I'm finding any man who immediately responds in a flakey way about exclusivity immediately gives me the ick

Show quote history

What a load of utter bollocks, it's offensive to use OCD in this way, throw this one back

OlderandwiserMaybe · 27/02/2024 10:27

I hadn't heard of "relationship OCD" either. Sounds like he's using that label as an excuse for shitty behaviour. Also that fact that he gave you a wishy washy response to wanting to be exclusive and he's "scared" of monogamy??

Unless you are comfortable with polygamy and a partner whose likely to get obsessive about you Id' walk away immediately TBH.

Prisonbreak · 27/02/2024 10:30

He’s just making up a term for controlling behaviour but making it seem like a medical condition so you can’t be annoyed about it. Huge red flags from this muppet

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:31

OlderandwiserMaybe · 27/02/2024 10:27

I hadn't heard of "relationship OCD" either. Sounds like he's using that label as an excuse for shitty behaviour. Also that fact that he gave you a wishy washy response to wanting to be exclusive and he's "scared" of monogamy??

Unless you are comfortable with polygamy and a partner whose likely to get obsessive about you Id' walk away immediately TBH.

I know, it's so deflating, I had debated whether to bring it up and in that moment, when he hesitated and followed up with his response, it made me feel physically sick. Yet again, this is a guy who has proclaimed how much he likes me but oh no, not enough to be exclusive! He also said he wouldn't want me to date other people, so it's all just bollocks. Also, his method of communication is a little off, I appreciate everyone has different ways of responding to texts etc, but he can take hours and hours sometimes, and I just find it quite boring,

OP posts:
OlderandwiserMaybe · 27/02/2024 10:37

he likes me but oh no, not enough to be exclusive! He also said he wouldn't want me to date other people, so it's all just bollocks

So he wants you to be exclusive to him - but he can't giv eyou the same commitment back??

Pfft - honestly @Cherrypiepieces I don't know why you're even debating this - just throw this one back and go out to look for a guy who meets your standards. Flowers

Honestly they are out there! I met my BF 4 years ago on OLD and I couldn't be happier now.

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:40

OlderandwiserMaybe · 27/02/2024 10:37

he likes me but oh no, not enough to be exclusive! He also said he wouldn't want me to date other people, so it's all just bollocks

So he wants you to be exclusive to him - but he can't giv eyou the same commitment back??

Pfft - honestly @Cherrypiepieces I don't know why you're even debating this - just throw this one back and go out to look for a guy who meets your standards. Flowers

Honestly they are out there! I met my BF 4 years ago on OLD and I couldn't be happier now.

Thank you, I know you're 100% right, I am getting stronger with each of these interractions, I just need to get better at sniffing out the earlier red flags, like as soon as he said his ex was a sex worker, that should have been my cue to cut it off so i'm annoyed at myself for carrying it on. It's so hard when you think you click with someone and are enjoying the time but you know in you're gut you're ignoring the warning signs.

OP posts:
Catoo · 27/02/2024 10:44

Get rid.
💐

Opentooffers · 27/02/2024 10:54

Sniffing out flags!!! Yea, obviously not your strong point. Do you have standards and boundaries with men? You lost me at " my ex was a sex worker" - are you not seeing a humongous red flag in that to a person looking for monogamy?
You're going to have a long dating journey , it's lucky mn is here to advise, because this would be top of the list of things people say that indicates they are not fussed about monogamy 😏

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:58

Opentooffers · 27/02/2024 10:54

Sniffing out flags!!! Yea, obviously not your strong point. Do you have standards and boundaries with men? You lost me at " my ex was a sex worker" - are you not seeing a humongous red flag in that to a person looking for monogamy?
You're going to have a long dating journey , it's lucky mn is here to advise, because this would be top of the list of things people say that indicates they are not fussed about monogamy 😏

I know 😬I think I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when he explained that he was in a relationship with this person and I was trying not to be too judgemental. I absolutely do have boundaries and standards I just think I let them slip a bit with this one as he 'seemed' to be different and a bit more genuine, it's a learning curve, I am getting there I hope!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 27/02/2024 10:59

I'm wondering if I should just block him now, or does that seem too drastic?

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/02/2024 11:12

I would tell him that after your conversation you've decided that this isn't what you want anymore and then block

Mmhmmn · 27/02/2024 11:50

Rotten fish needs throwing back in the sea. He's literally TELLING who he is - believe him and enjoy a much happier life without him.

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