It will be 4 months on Wednesday since I last saw my abusive ex husband.
The last time I saw him he told me I would have his 'death on my hands' after looking through my phone and refusing to leave my house when I asked him too.
He's been in a new relationship pretty much since that incident.
We've spoke on the phone a few times and he's still a the biggest dickhead of all time - asked me to file for divorce so I have yet he still hasn't acknowledged it. Barely seen ds (5) and shows zero interest in him. Getting child maintenance off him is like getting blood out of a stone - cms are dealing with him.
I really have spent the last 4 months moping. Crying. Not leaving the house unless I have too. Heartbroken yet I couldn't figure out why - I wanted to leave for years. I did some 'panic' online dating though quickly realised that was way too soon and came off. Deactivated all my social media.
Now I am beginning to feel lighter. I no longer feel the need to cry at any given moment. He might think he's stressing me out by ignoring the divorce he wanted and walking away from our child but honestly it's tje best thing he could of ever done to me - he's showing me on a daily basis that I wasn't the problem. By him continuing to be a massive controlling prick, he's showing me that he hasn't changed. I feel sorry for his new partner - I thought I'd be devastated and worried he was going to change for her. He won't.
For years I thought I'd never be free. I stayed because I was scared to leave. Because I knew he would make my life hell on earth - which he's still trying to do.
I'm sure he's not seeing ds to not give me my own time. To make it difficult for me to meet someone else -
I don't want anyone else for a start.
My son is my life - why wouldn't I want to spend every day with him and be make our own choices of what we do without worrying?
Yesterday I painted my kitchen. I love just doing things and making my mind up and doing it. And it's mine. I've not done a bad job either - he's a builder and nothing I do will ever be to his standard in that department - the only positive thing I could ever say about him is he was good at DIY 🙄
I just thought I'd post as I have had had honestly probably close to a hundred posts about him over the years. Pretty much every time I was told to leave. Or that he was abusive. Or that he would never change. Or that he's walking all over me. Or that our marriage was an absolute shit show. I'd get angry at the response and try stand up for him. I wanted to be told I was the problem and that I needed to change.
Fingers crossed I'll be divorced soon - maybe deep down he just still wants me - I wouldn't blame him, I was a bloody good wife and now he's out drinking every night, trying to keep up with his new girlfriend living a life he claimed he was too old for 😂