At my wits end with my exes harassment

[roses321]

Hi All

Can I have some advice please?

Ex and I own a house jointly (50/50), we're not married and I had to leave the property due to his abusive behaviour in May last year. It was making me ill and I was at risk of losing my job.

We can't sell because we have a neighbour dispute so we need to fix that first. We have a joint solicitor for this who acts for both of us in the dispute.
I've done absolutely all the work on this issue thus far, I've hired the solicitor, put the case file together, called the mediation meetings, provided all the information etc. He has done nothing. Absolutely nothing...and he's still living there while i'm in a room share.

He's blocked on everything except email because of this legal issue, and he's abused this by harassing me repeatedly with abusive messages.

As a result, I hired a family lawyer to write to him and tell him to leave me alone or I'd apply for a non-molestation order. As a result he then started aiming all his emails at her and i've been forced to close the case file due to him running up over £600 of charges.

His emails are basically him picking at little things such as not including him on certain emails (I've included him on everything he needs to be included on) and picking apart the letter he was sent and using it as justification to continue emailing her. In her words he's being pedantic.

He's now doing the same thing with our joint solicitor because I have told him flat out that my family lawyer won't respond as she is not instructed to respond.

The whole thing is stressing me out, it's costing me a fortune and I've lost my home and am living in a room share because of it. I'm not paying the mortgage on the grounds of occupational rent, I'm also in the process of severing the joint tenancy as well to protect myself further.

Does anyone have advice about how to deal with people like this? People who just constantly want to find a way to jab, threaten, harass and run up bills to cause you distress whilst not adding anything of any value to the process whatsoever.

I swear this issue would have been sorted now if he put the same amount of effort into fixing things to be able to sell the house as he does with picking out issues with letters he's receieved basically telling him to stop being an ahole.

I feel that it's about control for him, and as a result i'm digging my heels in as I had 5 years of being controlled and told what to do, and I won't take anymore of it. Advice would be helpful!

Is there much equity in the property?
Would it be worth selling at a loss to one of those property buying companies, just to get rid?
By the time this all goes through, if it ever does, with your ex, it sounds as though you'll be thousands in with solicitor's fees anyway.

He won't agree to it.

I agree with you - I'm already in thousands with solicitors fees trying to get the mess sorted out.

It's horrendous. He is just making life utterly miserable and I've started saving a house deposit all over again because this mess will likely take years to sort out.

He won't buy me out, won't sell at a loss and he's happy because he's living there - I'm just tied there by a mortgage that I don't want anymore and a house I can't live in or go near.

What a nightmare for you. I know from other threads you can apply to court for an order to force a sale, but no knowledge. Good luck.

Have you considered moving back in with a friend/sibling/parent?

He can't stop you living in your own home, he can't stop you having a guest and if you make his home a bit less comfortable to live in with your presence then he might be keener to sell up and move on?

Obviously don't do this if he's physically abusive, but I know many men would move out of their home if their MIL moved in 😂

I would apply to court to force a sale.

I’m assuming the equity is worth the fight?

If not why not take your name off the mortgage and let him have the house?

What is the neighbour dispute about? You do know these things are usually not life threatening and it’s ok to back down over mundane things?

It's a dispute which has taken over 100k off our property value so unfortunatley not mundane.

What is the law for the property stuff do you have to use a solicitor?

My ex did exactly this inundated my solicitor with emails and questions running me up a massive bill while I tried to divorce him. In the end I gave up for a couple years but now I'm doing it again and I'm paying a solicitor for advice but all contact to ex goes from me I'm applying for divorce myself no solicitor on the paperwork so he can't run up my bill by contacting constantly. Is it legal to do this with property law?

I unfortunately had a husband like this.
He kept me in divorce court for months with unreasonable requests and charges and I lost over 20lbs. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep.
By the end, in 1993 money, I lost $85,000 US. That would be $182,545 in 2024.
My advice would be to cut loose, settle, get out of this mess any way you can, as fast as you can. Talk to both of your solicitors and FIND a way out.

What would happen if you told him his pedantic ways were making him look foolish?

If you gave up your claim on the house, would he agree to take you off the mortgage?

I know it's a massive loss but being free of him might be worth it.

Or is his aim purely to keep you entangled and punishing you for leaving?

Sign the house over to him. Sounds like any equity is gone on solicitors fees. Is it really worth it for your mental health? Sign it over and walk away with nothing.

If it's a solicitor instructed to deal with the jointly owned property issue then will he not be jointly responsible for any fees?

Go to court my ex delayed things it took 6 years to get to decree nisi then another years to agree finance and finalise the divorce. The court then could instruct him regarding the dispute and sale there is evidence in his emails how he is being obstructive. Going to court was the only way to make my ex answerable

I feel for you as I’m going through a similar experience with my ex (same behaviours, different details) and also cannot eat or sleep and lost my job due to taking time off in the run up to the FDR hearing on instructions from my GP. I’m anxious all the time and on massive doses of antidepressants. Yet nobody is interested, because his behaviour is legal and financial harassment and not physical I have no way of protecting myself.

I don’t have any advice as am in a similar boat but I just wanted to send you love and best wishes and to say I hope you find a way forward xxx

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My ex husband did this when we divorced. I left with just a suitcase and moved into a shared house, I wanted absolutely nothing from him but he still dragged it out for three years!

All I can say is it will pass. It will be resolved eventually and as shitty as this time is you will feel immensely proud of yourself for getting through it when it's all over. I started again from scratch and I love the life I've built for myself now, as hard as it was.

Really hope it all gets sorted as soon as possible for you.