Having a baby with a much younger (or older) man

[Effulgentlight]

I'm 43 and I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My boyfriend is 30. When I met him I initially thought we wouldn't last because of our age gap, but we are now in a serious relationship and expecting a baby. We have now been together for 2 years. Before I met him I was having fertility issues in a previous relationship. I thought that by the time I got to 40 my time had passed. The pregnancy is going well, I feel great and I have a really great partner. Yet I keep wondering what the future will hold. I know that if our ages were reversed, it would be seen as completely normal and no one would find it unusual at all. I'm telling myself that babies don't care if their mum is older than their dad, or if dad is older than their mum. Do they care at all as they get older? Not sure what I'm looking for exactly, I think I'm just being a bit hormonal and wanted to ask for reassurance.

I bet you look great for your age. No one will know. Enjoy your baby don’t worry about the age gap. Nobody can predict the future.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!! I honestly don't see anything wrong with this age gap. Many relationship work with age gaps, many relationships with small or no age gaps don't work. I am 45, I neither look it nor behave like it and TBH the men "my age" seem sooo much older than me that I actually have far more in common with my 30 year old friends - two exceptions; a 55 year old, who I feel is "my age" and a 62 year old who, like me, thinks he's still 30. My point is that there is no real "age" these days, there are stages in life, there are tastes, and there is a mental age and as long as some of those correspond where's the problem ?! As long as it's working now then enjoy it. Maybe in ten years it won't work anymore, but that goes for any relationship anyway, enjoy the time and the relationship while it is working and the fact that you are pregnant also means that you are not "taking something away from him" regarding his chance to become a father (which could be a problem with a younger man, no kids, older woman set up[
Regarding the pregnancy - it's probably better that he is younger, as he has healthier sperm than someone "your age", bear in mind that you may never have been able to have children with someone older especially if you were having fertility issues before. As is you have given your child a lower risk of some health problems - not knocking anyone who has a later pregnancy with an older partner, I would really love another child even at my age but it's certainly a positive to have young sperm 😅!
As for your child, this bugs me sooooo much when people say "consider the baby, how will they feel having older parents "etc HELLO do you know how babies happen ?! The only way THAT particular baby was going to exist is if the two parents conceive at THAT exact time!! Any other time and any other partners it would be a different child! So given the choice "to exist or not to exist" I'm pretty sure most children would be grateful that THEY were the lucky egg and sperm rather than all those possible babies that never happened over the "younger" years.

ENJOY !!

Very excited for you! I think you should just enjoy these exciting times and not worry about the future too much. I have a few friends who all their kids in their 40s and are very happy with their decision. I also have friends whose parents were over 40 when they had them and they got a much better start in life and have done very well subsequently.

Hello!! I met dh when I was 41 and he was 31...t 43.2 I had a ds.. His first dc.. Def not mine!. Ds is now 9. Married since ds was 10 months...

Just enjoy it! I have seen this scenario too many times and it almost, always works out well if you have a strong foundation.

I wonder how old your previous partners were? There's lots of evidence to suggest that the age of the man's sperm is sometimes more the deciding factor than the age of the mum -- so it could be that you were fated to get together with this man and conceive a baby through virtue of his comparative youth. When using donor sperm in IVF you always go for the youngest possible sperm. Congratulations!

P.S. My best friend's mum is eleven years older than her dad and they've been married 40 years.

My dad was 19 years younger than my mum. My mum was an amazing person and my dad loved her so much. As a child I didn't notice any difference really. She always dressed well and took care of her appearance. Enjoy your baby!

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. @girljulian I like the idea that we were fated to get together and conceive. And @Flyingfoxgirl I think you are right there are positives to having a younger partner. My DP is certainly fit and healthy.

My friend was 42 when she had twins with her 30 year old partner. Still together 20 years later!

I'm 8 years older than my dp. We've been together 12 years and have two children (7/9) I was 28 and he was 20 when we met. Kids don't even notice tbh.