What do you think this means? Text reply

[DippingAToeIn]

So, for context, I met up with a guy who I matched with on a dating app. We were both seeking something casual, basically hook ups but with a connection. We hit it off over messages, texting daily, and did a video call before we met on a hotel last week. Since then I've been reflecting on the daily messages and wondering what his thoughts are about it, because it doesn't seem very casual to me (even though I'm enjoying it). I messaged him last night and asked him how he felt about it, and said I hoped he would feel able to be honest if he ever felt things were too intense or he felt uncomfortable at all. He replied with a nice message saying I'm a lot like him with the way I process things, then he said he'd reply properly soon and he'd be right back.
He didn't message back until after I'd fallen asleep, and he didn't actually respond to that issue at all- just sent me a sweet good night message and referred to something else I'd said earlier in the day.
Now I have no idea what to think! I've decided today to ease off the messages, as I guess him not addressing it is communication in itself, but I'm feeling even more confused about the parameters of this 'arrangement' now.

What do you think it means? Should I ask him about it again if he still doesn't respond? Thank you in advance for advice:)

Stop texting him first, just for the sake of chat. You only need to text if arranging a hookup.

Yes. Poor guy. Casual is casual. Friendly is great but asking about his feelings and analysing texts to this extent is not casual!

Isn't one of the attractions of a casual thing that you're in control of what you offer and when, and if it doesn't suit the other person they just move along? Just carry on with the communication you want to have, and if he doesn't like it, he'll walk away. Similarly if you start finding his communication too much, you walk away. All the reflection and wanting to discuss surely removes one of the key benefits of not having a proper relationship?

Yeah if I clearly stated I only wanted something casual I'd be quite put off by the other person wanting to discuss how it was going, how I felt about it or other parameters after only a week. I'd think they didn't mean it about wanting to be casual and would drift away. It's too much for any relationship let alone a casual one.

I'd also assume that casual means you can both sleep with other people.

Yep, I totally take all of that on board, and can see what it looks like.
But it's not just been my behaviour that's been anti-casual, if you see what I mean? I do need to think about what I truly want, but it's definitely not a boyfriend right now (am very recently separated from long relationship).

I am going to suggest a date to hook up, back off the texts in between and just see what happens.

Thank you all for responding 🙂

Thank you, this was helpful to read. It's not validation that I'm seeking, but I definitely did need some reassurance that we are still on the same page. To me that actually seems like a healthy way to manage a casual arrangement, especially at the beginning so we're both clear on what it is/isn't. I've read some dating advice today which also supports this.

This has car crash written all over it.

If you genuinely genuinely only want a casual sex situationship with this guy then you need to find a way to switch your brain off and stop overthinking everything. I can assure you that he's only thinking about is easy access to sex and the fact you guys get along so well is just a bonus.

@DippingAToeIn it sounds like you possibly like him and would like more than casual and are hoping he feels this too? If so carry on as you are and try not to over analyse and see how things pan out.i may be completely wrong but I said and did the casual thing before but underneath I really wanted more, ended in disaster not surprisingly 🤷‍♀️

To be honest there's a lot of really crappy dating advice out there. I used to live with a guy who churned it out for a living along with unilad quizzes and suchlike.

After one meeting i wouldn't expect to be grilled on how often I expected to be contacted.

I'd say you set the pace by doing in a casual relationship and duck out if it isn't suiting you.

So, if they're texting more often then you'd like, slow your replies as this man appears to have done in not responding fully to your question. IME, sometimes there are flurries of chat, sometimes little.

Otherwise address the immediate issue rather than instigate a big 'relationship status' chat. That's not really casual territory, not so soon.

The parameters, as a PP says, are things like sexual boundaries, exclusivity, definitely safe sex.

I'm a bit worried that your expectations might not quite be calibrated to 'casual' and you may end up hurt. It's possible to be quite intimate in a casual relationship. Trouble lies when one is aware of this and the other reads more into it and an imbalance forms.

I would assume that he meant what he said when he specified he was looking for something casual. It doesn't sound like anything had really changed since before you met.

But why did you need reassurance, it’s a casual hook up. He can’t stop any time he wants.

as said, you’re behaving like he’s your boyfriend, even suggesting a date, but proclaiming you want it casual.

casual is you hook up when you noth fancy, and that’s it. He’s not your boyfriend, you don’t need to text him all the time, or be clingy and seek reassurance.

Tread carefully, I'd say, for your own sake.

I had one very much like like this once. Lots of messaging, good connection, lots of daily messaging initiated by him. Things were really nice even though it was explicitly causal. Like you, I was recently out of a LT relationship and not after anything serious, just some fun. He was really nice, we had a couple of good hookups...then he started breadcrumbing. It started with him being non -committal on dates/times and flaking out of plans but then he'd message me the next day with the all plans he had for me. Rinse and repeat for a few weeks until he actually stood me up one time. Obviously, that was that.

It left me feeling really confused and stupidly upset considering there were never any feelings beyond him being 'nice' and sexual compatability. He wasn't someone I'd ever want a future with, but the whole situation left me feeling pretty rubbish.

Looking back, it was very much like the classic lovebomb-withdraw strategy, which I didn't expect with something casual and that's what was so confusing.

Look out for yourself and detach at the first sign of feeling confused about what's happening.

Thanks everyone, I feel like we're back on track now. I stepped back from daily texting and we've just been in touch to arrange next hook up and agree some details. It's feeling much more simple now. 😊