Overwhelmed with life and dp's expectations

[kk234]

Life is tough right now, I work pt have 3 dd aged between 2 and 15 and im just finding it tough right now. Ds is in the process of being diagnosed/tested for adhd and he's hard work. His need for my attention and melt downs on top of a clingy 2 year old is wearing me out. Dp is no help, he thinks ds doesn't have adhd and 'everything he does is for my attention'. Dp just moans at ds all day everyday and gives him no positive time or attention so i then feel i have to make up for dp lack of support to ds. Dp moans that he has to wash up and i don't cook everyday (he is more than capable of doing this too). I cook 4-5 times a week and wash up multiple times a day. I do all school runs in the morning and 3 pick ups (he does 2 because im at work), i take children to clubs, appointments, soft plays, park trips ect. He says im lazy, its like he sees what i don't do not what i do do. He made a comment to our eldest yesterday about he's doing what a man shouldn't do (housework)!! Its a womans job apparently and just basically said im a crap person and give him no attention. How can he not see im burnt out.

What a misogynistic prick

He sounds GRIM. You both work so housework is to be equally shared. I'd want him as far away from my kids as possible.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, and that your h is not being supportive.

Of course he's an idiot: household chores and cooking are down to both partners to share. And one person should step up and do more if the other has other demands on their time, eg looking after a sick child or a child who needs more attention.

Your h seems totally lacking in common sense and empathy. Good luck with that. He should be stepping up to help you.

You deserve much better.

I would start to plan a life without the useless husband. You are doing a great job!

So you’re doing all the emotional legwork, all the mental load, most of the physical work and getting criticism for it?!
He sounds like a sexist pig and a prick.
No wonder you’re burnt out 😞
Im so sorry for you x

Single parenthood is a holiday compared to this.

“It’s a womans job apparently and just basically said im a crap person and give him no attention. How can he not see im burnt out.”

He can see. He doesn’t care. LTB.

Of course you’re burnt out living with a prick like that! I suggest you put up a poster /a3 piece of paper saying ‘have two working hands? Do your share of housework!!’ And point at it every time your partner whines.

Would it be genuinely easier without him? What does he bring? 2 drop offs and an income?

So he’s sexist, selfish, and nasty?

OP don’t be brow-beaten by this inadequate man.

@Codlingmoths life would be so much easier without him. But he guilt trips me when I suggest separating because 'it will be awful for the children' he's even said im selfish and just think about myself and not the children for suggesting to separate one time. He thinks i want him to do it all but i don't. I don't even want 50/50 just some pressure off on some days.

Sorry OP but if my DH ever so much as uttered anything about 'what a woman/ man should do' he would be out on his ear.

I don't know how you can stay with a person like this and subject your kids to that influence. It's not black and white as to what is/ isn't good for your children in this situation and it's certainly not as simple as staying together is the best thing - not when their dad is someone like this idiot.

Sorry you are going through this, but honestly, someone with these values is unlikely to improve. I would get out of there.

You’ll be happier, you’re their main parent, it would clearly be much better for the children, with the bonus he might actually make an effort if he was on his contact time with no slave /wife around to do everything, so he might be a better dad! Ignore what he says because he’s full of shit! And if you can’t ignore say very seriously I think you might be a better dad separated when you can’t just ignore everything and leave it to me, so it’s definitely the right decision for the children.

Stop letting him guilt trip you into staying to being his skivvy, with 4 DC it seems like he's determined to keep you "barefoot & pregnant" so it's very difficult for you to leave.