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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH is crude when drunk!

7 replies

Bestella · 25/02/2024 22:58

DH and I have been married for over 20 years, both very young when we got together.
He has always been a bit cheeky. I was upfront when we got together that I did suffer S.A as a child. He's been mostly understanding.
I find men intimidating at times, but never DH...until the last few years.

When he drinks he gets incredibly crude. Now I am by no means a prude, I can enjoy a laugh. But it's become relentless every time he has a drink to constantly tell me how "big" he is... Makes constant references to his balls and sex.

At first even though it seemed odd I laughed along and treated it as ironic dark humour...but it's got to the point where I just find it odd and intimidating and these comments have started creeping into sober times too.

When I've broached the subject with him, even when sober he tells me I'm a prude and it's a joke and to "lighten up".

Am I meant to just have to reassure him that he has genitals every time he makes the "joke"? Because if I don't laugh along, if I ignore it, change the subject or do anything other than tell him "yes you do, dear!" or hop on board, I seem to be made out as a frigid prude and he sulks.

I just find it a bit gross and it reeks of fragile masculinity but I don't know what else to do or how else to respond...AIBU??

OP posts:
Lifeistough74 · 25/02/2024 23:01

Yes that's just lad behaviour but sometimes
They do go over the top especially with a few people they know from work or college maybe his friends encouraged it .

I know with my experience it was friends or close family that can go ott.

Soontobe60 · 25/02/2024 23:02

Tell him that he’s being a total dick and you’re not impressed, that in fact it’s a great big turn off. He’s not a kid, it’s not ok.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/02/2024 23:06

Your husband is sexually abusing you. You have told him you want him to stop, he in turn gaslights you, bullies you, shames you, and refuses to stop. This is sexual abuse, albeit verbal, but it's sexual abuse all the same. It's disgusting.

I wouldn't remain married to a man who treated me this way.

PossumintheHouse · 25/02/2024 23:07

Strange. Is it an insecurity thing? Is he by any chance smaller than average and trying to bolster his confidence? Doesn’t make it any less icky.

Porfirio · 25/02/2024 23:09

Look on the internet for lots of small pe let jokes and learn them by heart.

Start cracking them off and roar with laughter.

If he gets the hump ask him why he can't take a joke.

PattySpringsteen · 25/02/2024 23:13

Yes that's just lad behaviour

No it’s not, how low is your bar?

If my DH constantly spoke about the size of his dick I’d be having serious words with him. There is no way I could live with someone like this and the OP shouldn’t have to either. She’s asked him to stop but he continues to say things she’s uncomfortable with, that’s not a loving relationship. The OP also says he’s incredibly crude when he’s drunk, he sounds like an unbearable teenager! He’s a gaslighting twat.

Opentooffers · 25/02/2024 23:15

Banter back perhaps that he's not all that? Or just a "your being stupid and gross"

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