I’m a mom thinking about another man…

[Naturemama35]

I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 13 years now. We have 4 beautiful children and look like a happy family, but I haven’t been happy in the relationship for many years. I’d rather not share all the details, but let’s just say if I did decide to end things, everyone in my family and his side of the family would understand. It wouldn’t come as a shock because they know the kind of person he is. The reason I’ve been thinking more about all this is because of this other guy I met. I put my 4 children into a new school this year and met a man at the beginning of the school year who is a single dad. I heard rumours his wife passed away a couple years ago, but don’t know that for sure. He has two kids and while I don’t know him that well at all, I’ve seen how he interacts with his kids and it’s just amazing! He’s definitely a hands on dad! He is also a tall, fit, beautiful man with the warmest smile…and I think he may be attracted to me? lol. He went out of his way to introduce himself once, and every time he sees me at the school, he will smile, and as we walk by each other, he will look all intensely into my eyes. I sometimes catch him glancing my way. I’m assuming that must mean something? Or maybe he is just really friendly? For context, even though I’ve had 4 kids, I’ve always been the type to take good care of my body, so I’m in good shape and would be considered “attractive” under today’s beauty standards. Anyway, I have been thinking more about my relationship with my current partner lately because this other man seems to have a lot of the traits my current one doesn’t, so it’s got me feeling all sorts of things. I feel sort of bad thinking about this, but I can’t help it. If y’all knew what I’ve been through with my husband, I know you would probably be like “Why didn’t you end things years ago?” And the answer to that is…fear I guess. Fear of devastating him, the kids…fear of not being able to support myself and the kids financially without him. So I’m just looking to hear feedback from other single parents, who perhaps found love or didn’t after divorce, especially those parents who had 3+ kids! Even though I’m considered “attractive” and feel like I have a lot to offer in a relationship, I sometimes think, “Who would actually want to date a lady with 4 kids?”

I think you need to separate these two things- your relationship and your feelings for someone else.

If you’re not happy in your relationship, you’ve tried to make it work and it’s still not right then you need to decide if you want to carry on or not. I wouldn’t let this crush impact your decision as it seems like you barely know this other man.

You like what you’ve seen from this other man, he’s caught your attention but it really sounds like you’ve not had much of a conversation with him. He may seem like a great guy whose hands on with his children but you’re only getting an outsiders perspective from what you see in the playground. Try not let this crush impact a major life choice.

If you want to end your relationship with your current partner then you need to do it with a clear head and no expectations. Figure out what you want in life and how to go about it.
Once you’ve ended your relationship and started a new life then try engage in some conversation with the other man but I wouldn’t rush into things. It seems like you’re projecting feelings onto him and making him sound like the ideal guy when you don’t know much about him.

Honestly I think your first instinct was correct - he won’t want to get involved with a married woman with four kids. Or even a “separated and in the process of seeking a divorce” woman with four kids. If you want to leave your partner then do it with the expectation of being single.

Yes, that’s true. I am aware that I’m projecting and don’t even know much about this guy. I suppose I’m projecting because I’m not happy. My current partner is not what I’d call abusive, but he’s not a good father or partner. I feel like I have 5 children most of the time because he acts like a “man-child” for lack of a better term.

Fantasising is normal however you don’t know this man not really just because he is hot and has shown you an ounce of attention doesn’t make the pair of you compatible. Granted his qualities that you have seen are attractive to what you actually want. If your current relationship isn’t serving you anymore and you are really unhappy only you can change it but don’t go chasing someone else really take the time to reflect on what was missing in your current relationship and spend time on your own building your confidence and know that you are a strong independent woman who is seeking a guy that’ll add value to your already amazing life.

Do you want an affair or to date him? 4 kids is a lot to date for most men but fine ror NSA.

May I ask when your husband’s bad behaviour started? I guess my question is, If he was like this from the beginning why did you go on and have 4 kids with him? I just don’t get it.