New guy

[lula99]

i have been seeing a guy I met on hinge for 6 weeks or so. He is mid-thirties and I am 30. Things have been going very slowly. We have always had good dates. Not too sure if attraction is there as he is quite overweight (which was not in his photos).
We have had about 6 dates. He didn’t message me on valentines at all. He is very bad with messaging in general (takes over a day to respond) but I have seen him online and ignoring my messages. He re-scheduled our 2nd or 3rd date twice but always gave another date when cancelling. The last two dates he has also cancelled (dog in the vets). He suggested dinner on a Sunday instead. I agreed, asked him about his week and how his dog was. But he didn’t open the message for over 3 days. At this point I thought I had been ghosted. on Friday night he messages confirming the plan for Sunday and I replied saying I’d made other plans as I hadn’t heard from him, wished him a good weekend and again asked how the dog was. Since this message he has been very frequently messaging me and saying he is shocked I think he is not keen on me. Tbh this has put me off - I’ve spent the whole time we have been seeing each other worrying if he likes me (due to this behaviour) rather than focusing on getting to know him/if I like him/if we are compatible.
It seems like now he feels I am pulling away he has become more keen?
He does always pay on dates and seems keen to see me when he does message.
I’m not sure if this guy is playing games or not. I know I am quite avoidant so I want to be mindful of that and give him enough of a chance. Feeling confused. Any insight/advice?

I'm sorry but you lost me at you've been seeing a guy for 6 weeks and are STILL not sure if you're attracted to him!?

You figure that out in 2 or 3 dates. Maximum. I'd you're still not sure, it's a no.

Scanning through the rest though...it seems he's flakey. And like you say, only showing more interest now he knows you're losing it.

He's not the one for you. And you know that already I think. So don't YOU play games. Just stop dragging things out.

I’m absolutely in the ‘if he wanted to he would’ camp.
If it doesn’t feel good at after six dates then it never will.

Move on. He's a flaky, fuckwit game player

Doesn't sound like either of you are super keen and keeping each other as an option for now. You're not sure if you're attracted that's enough to say no, why keep dating.
If he's making you feel confused with hot/cold communication, I'd leave it, find someone that is more reliable.

Like others have said, not sure why you are bothering if you don't fancy him at this point? I'm also not sure why he is paying for all the dates - is that the set up you want? Doesn't it feel a bit pro-patriarchy?

I think he probably didn't realise you wanted loads of texting between dates - lots of people aren't keen on that. Now he knows you like it he is trying to do it so fair play for that one.

But you don't fancy him, plus the strange financial imbalance - I would leave it if I were you.

You're trying too hard to convince yourself that you fancy him. Meantime, he might take a day to answer a text - really, you put up with that, and think it's OK? Have higher standards, he's a lost cause, you should expect more attention than he has ever given you. You've only got to 6 dates because you've been desperately hanging on, most would of binned him ages ago.

Sorry, but you're coming across as a bit desperate for someone who sounds like a waste of space.
Maybe you need to work on your self esteem.
Good luck

Sorry he seems a bit off, no one takes that much time to reply to anyone, especially if they are interested

I'd bin him off.

'Doesn't it sound a bit pro-patriarchy'

Ah, the greatest gaslighting trick of modern day patriarchy, convincing us that if we don't split on dates, we're not pro-womens rights.

You don’t fancy him, his photos weren’t true and he cannot be bothered.

Just drop him.

Can we not get sidetracked into a debate about who pays. That always gets wild. I've been called a 'call girl' before for posting about a man and mentioning he had paid for a weekend away.

OP you've both given it a go but both only sound intrigued by a lack of interest on the other side, not really the other person. I don't think there's a genuine attraction there. No reflection on you. I'd leave things here