Man looks away whenever he sees me- why?

[Nowtsoqueerasvolk]

This isn't about a relationship but I'm not venturing into the battleground that is AIBU.

I've noticed that whenever I see a certain man who used to live on my street who I have never even spoken to, he looks away in a really exaggerated way.

What do you think could be the reason for this? I find it really weird tbh. The other day I was doing some job like sweeping the front path and I looked up and saw him and he looked away really exaggeratedly. This has happened many times now and I'm not imagining it.

I felt a bit upset because I thought it's conveying a message that I don't exist, I am a non-person. I'm not good looking and I wonder if it's a misogyny thing, as in this plain woman is not worth looking at or somehow offends my eyes?

I feel a bit like saying to him that if he has such a problem with my face why doesn't he walk another way, but I've never spoken to him and moreover I'm not going to. It makes me feel like I should wear a niqab (face veil) so I'm not bothering someone with my face.

What would you make of it? 🤔
No, he doesn't fancy me, before someone says that. On the contrary, it appears that this man that I don't even know has taken a random dislike to me.

What have I done, though, apart from being a plain-looking middle-aged woman? The only other thing I can think is that both him and his wife never spoke to me while they lived nearby, which is kind of unusual in this area (semi-rural).

Thoughts?

Maybe he heard some unfounded gossip about you and unfairly formed an unfavourable opinion?

I work from home and sometimes people have thought I don't work and been "off" with me about it, so this is possible, yes.

I had a neighbour who used to do this to me because she didn’t like me using the (legally shared-use) path she had tried to take over.

Yes, perhaps there is some grievance from when they used to live here. But God knows what. The only thing that springs to mind is I have a large tree that needs felling but it has a TPO; it could feasibly be some kind of residual resentment over that, I suppose 🤔 it wasn't really anywhere near them but people do get funny over trees.

Maybe he thinks you overthink things?

That’s strange - plenty of people work from home and if you know someone well enough for them to be noticeably off with you, and to say why, but not know that you even have a job seems strange. Especially for it to have happened multiple times.

Are you quite self conscious or anxious about what others think of you? I wonder if you’re more sensitive to things like this which is why you notice it more and dwell on it.

It's shyness or perhaps lack of confidence. I do it all the time, even with people like. I know I shouldn't but it has become a habit.

It could be religious/ethnic prejudice tbh. It won't be the first time that's happened to me. I'm also part of a much-hated group: cyclists! 🙈🤣

I would say this has nothing to do with you - don't put yourself down!
It's more he probably doesn't want to appear to be gawping at you awkwardly. I tend to avoid neighbours male/female/kids at all costs it doesn't mean anything, I just don't want an awkward chat with someone just because we've made eye contact

My ex used to do this OP, its a really obvious 'statement', does he look like hes sucking a Lemon too?

Either hes pissed off about something youve done or something he thinks youve done / are doing.. can you do any digging? i.e any mutual acquaintances to ask?

Either hes pissed off about something youve done or something he thinks youve done / are doing

Yes, I think you're right. I think it must relate to some kind of (former) neighbour politics. It can't really be anything else (apart from ethnic/religious prejudice).

Mmm I don’t think anyone likes being snubbed, especially if you live in a small community and someone feels bold enough to do it on your own doorstep! I think realistically it would niggle most people

Agree the wfh is a weird and silly reason to be potentially off with someone, although there ate lots of busybodies about with hang ups about benefit claimants and looking for a reason to feel superior 🤷🏻

Yes, they are very wealthy and I'm not, despite originally being from a well-off family (hence the house). It could be that. That's something I'd just not considered before now 😔 God, I'm naïve sometimes 🤦‍♀️

You seem intent that this person must have a problem with you.

It’s more likely he’s socially awkward with greetings. I often do the same without meaning to.

I suppose the thing as well OP, is that now he’s made a big show of sweeping his head away once, he has to convince himself that he really does have reason to, or else he has to consider what a silly, mean person he is. Expect to see the head twists get more violent and whiplash inducing as time goes on as his righteous indignation grows 😉

@Nowtsoqueerasvolk you said a few odd things in your post , do you think it is how to do with how you perceive yourself?

The things are

I felt a bit upset because I thought it's conveying a message that I don't exist, I am a non-person. I'm not good looking and I wonder if it's a misogyny thing, as in this plain woman is not worth looking at or somehow offends my eyes?

It makes me feel like I should wear a niqab (face veil) so I'm not bothering someone with my face.

What have I done, though, apart from being a plain-looking middle-aged woman?

@Fother It makes me feel upset that someone I don't even know and have never even spoken to makes a big show of looking away, yes. I don't need that in my life, just walk past normally. I was attacked randomly last summer (not in a serious way), maybe it's affected me. I do seem to get more upset easily these days. On the other hand, it's a deliberate action designed to send a message and I would like to know: why?

I'm sorry to hear that. In that case then yes perhaps you are more sensitive than normal and are very "alert" to those around you currently.
I don't know what to suggest. I think I would try to ignore it more than confront.

Ah, no, for some reason your default is to go to being negative about yourself, but that's in your head. In reality, he was looking at you prior to you looking up and probably likes looking at you, but feels guilty as he's married. So then he does a big display of ' not looking really'. Just ignore it, it is sad though that you'd jump to putting your looks in a bad light. You should work on your self esteem, and try to understand people better maybe.

I bet you've accidentally flashed him at some point op and now he can't look at you.

What he's doing seems pretty normal to me. He's quietly getting on with his life and isn't interested in conversation...you did say he and his wife didn't speak when you lived near them. Some people are just like that - it's nothing personal to you.

I'm so sorry to hear you were attacked. That must have been awful.

Yeah, I guess it could just be to avoid neighbourly conversation. Not that I want that anyway. At least it's better than those people who can't help saying "missed a bit" etc.

Surely if he used to live on your street and has moved away, you will hardly ever see him any more.

His body language and reaction to you noticing him is the opposite of treating you like you don't exist.
He looks away because he doesn't want to be caught looking. Why?could be because
He doesn't want to engage with you
He feels awkward you noticed him
Why was he looking anyway? He heard something bad about you, you've annoyed him, he wonders about who you are and why you are there, trying to figure you out. He has a habit of zoning out into people. You remind him of someone. I would ignore or say good morning.

He sounds desperately afraid/avoidant of getting into an acknowledgement at the least or conversation at the most with you.

Why that is ... Could be snobbery, could be neighborhood issues, could be if you're single (some men believe single woman are desperados; you're civil to them and they think they you desperately want to shag them/couple up with them ... some women do too and wouldn't want their partner being friendly with one).

I'd hazard a guess he either doesn't want to talk to you/be civil to you, or more importantly be seen to be talking to you/civil to you