Husband behaviour

[Mags44]

I am in an abusive relationship working to get out. The other morning I was drying my hair and heard a thud I switched off the hairdryer, and heard my husband saying the f word I said are you ok he replies, I pissed him off as I moved the bath mat and he fell.
‘Tbh I just kind of froze as I knew if I went into the bathroom there was a chance he would get even angrier wirh me and so he ignored me asking him if he needed anything. He then comes into the bedroom and his bottom is red he then proceeds to tell me he could have died and I don’t help etc I said I was scared of how he would react if I went into the bathroom.
‘
I mentioned it to my counsellor as I ended up feeling really guilty and she put things into perspective by saying I had a valid reason not to go into the bathroom. He wanted me to feel guilty.
‘Anyway at lunch today he asks me in front of our children why I didn’t go to help him. He says he could have cut his head open and died !!!!! I replied I wasn’t willing to discuss it in front of the children and neither should he. He then said I’d hidden his paracetamol(not true) and I was out to get him !!!
He then starts saying I use him for money etc

What are you asking for op? Support or advice? You obviously know you are in an abusive relationship and have to leave, especially as you have children. Sounds like a hellish environment to live in for you and the kids.

Just to vent really

How soon can you leave?

In what way are you "working to get out"? You are having counselling, is that to work up the courage/ability to leave?

I’m in touch with women’s aid and getting counselling. Even though I know deep down it’s dv it’s so complex. Sometimes he’ll say things in a jokey way and we all laugh and other times it’ll be said in a more serious /abusive way.
I have also said some not so nice things as a reaction to him ignoring me or being dismissive so I blame myself for that as well

He is abusive so even when you think it is said in a jokey way, it isnt. Those times are designed to make you question it all. And for anyone else around / listening so at a later date they will confirm he was being jokey.

This. You need an actual concrete plan. For your safety and to not damage your children further.

have you discussed the practicalities of a plan to leave with your counsellor or womens aid?

Yes I’m discussing the practicalities with women’s aid who have been a great help

Good for you OP. In the meantime, try and dissociate from what he says and does. It doesn't need to bother you any more (although of course it will a bit) because you are going to leave him.

Do you have a timeline planned?

im Thinking if the 1st week of March

That's amazing OP. A good, concrete date and timeline. Have you got support around you?

apart from women’s aid and a friend who lives overseas I don’t have any support. Friends distanced themselves as they couldn’t understand why I didn’t leave ages ago

That’s great.

Its a concrete date, it’s not that far away and you have support from WA.

As much as possible, ignore what he says. Everything will be about making you feel guilty, even more so if he has the feeling you are ‘escaping’ (as in escaping his control even if you are still in the house iyswim).
You need to remember that his aim is control you, even the nice bits. Because wo the nice parts, there is no way you would have accepted the crap ones!

Thank you. I think I will always struggle to understand how he we can have a laugh, he can be so kind and then threaten to hit me, belittle me etc. I just don’t understand it even with the knowledge I have. It’s so hard

Please stop trying to "understand" him. It's that kind of thinking that's keeping you trapped there. You are not responsible for figuring out why he's an abusive piece of shit. The only responsibility you have is to get you and your kids away from him.