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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I hoping for a miracle

3 replies

badrelationship · 25/02/2024 14:11

I have been with my other half for almost 12 years. Started off as friends that morphed into a friend with benefits to a relationship. Have been living together for about 8 years and officially in a relationship for 10 years.

About 3 years ago we moved into our current place, this is about 8 miles from our home town but more like 30 mins drive and no easy links with public transport. At the time of the move it seems like a great idea, more options for shopping/bigger town better house for our money and on paper didn't seem far, but the reality is very different. Since we have moved here though the relationship has just became awful. We are constant bickering or arguing and rarely go out together or have date nights. Silly things we would laugh over before are now a huge issue.

I think the main issue is we are just sick of looking at each other. We were both very social before moving here either together or independently. Meeting friends was a regular occurrence and we could pop into see family easily. Where we are now we don't have this convenience ie I could meet a mate for lunch and be home in a couple of hours. If we have a night out planned now it means one of us have to play taxi driver, spend £30 on a taxi home (this is only one way and means getting dropped off) or arranging to stay with friends of family. If I just want to pop in to mums and have a cuppa then it's more difficult, I have to plan my day around this and take into account 1 hour travel. So now rather then us being the social people we were we're at home together more and I think this is causing the issues.

We have now been offered an amazing house back in our home town which I'm desperate to move to. We both do still love each other and hope this move could be a new start for us. He seems to think this will make us get along better as we will have our old lives back and I think I agree. Am I naive in thinking that a new house in our old area will help us or just a disaster waiting to happen. The way it is now I think a break up is going to happen. Do I just say a break up is best and we go our separate ways or let's trial a separation or take a step back and get our own places and see what happens? Or do we move as planned and see what happens?

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 25/02/2024 20:14

I think it depends on what you want to happen! If you want the relationship to work then go for it. Make an agreement to start having fun again. Go on date nights, spend time meeting friends individually and try spend time doing your own hobbies that way you can give each other space and then have something to tlak
about at the end of the day. Moving is a big risk, it might make or break the relationship but there’s only one way to find out.

If you don’t love him anymore and don’t want to be around him then it might be for the best to separate.

It sounds like he wants it to work but you both need to put the effort in and be honest about your feelings for each other . It won’t solve things overnight and will take time!

Whynoholiday · 26/02/2024 08:11

The advice above is really good. I think it's worth giving a move back a go and take it from there.

badrelationship · 26/02/2024 22:02

Thanks both, I think we're going to try the move and see where we are.

We both know the relationship will take work but both think it's worth it.

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